I hope someone can offer some advice! My brother is a new dad to a 4mth old girl. His partner left him about 2 mths after bub was born. He didn't handle it very well and has been strugling to contain his anger. She had an AVO on him but it allowed him to remain in contact with her and his daughter, but since then they had a fight & he was locked up for breaching his AVO. He is waiting to attend court on this matter and we have no idea what the consequences will be.

Our GP has put him on anti-depressents and he was seeing a psychologist, but he has stopped seeing her since he broke his AVO.

Our family want to help him to start the process of arranging visitation with his daughter (we want to be in her life also), but because he is so depressed (he cries every day and has taken a lot of time off work) he feels like it is hopeless and rarely takes our advice. He is desperate to see his daughter!!

Last time I spoke to his ex (via phone) she said she was going to mediation - but I would have thought my brother would have to attend this also, but he hasn't been contacted by anyone (and he can't contact the ex because of the AVO......we can't contact her on his behalf either).

He was paying money to the ex for maintenance (just an arrangement between them) but can't anymore because of the AVO - apparently someone was supposed to contact him about this also - but it hasn't happened either.

We are lost. We don't know where to start! If anyone has been through anything similar, I would appreciate any advice. I am hoping my brother will register with this site also, but he is reluctant to right now - he feels like he has no options!

Many of us have been there Concerned Sister but possibly in different ways.

I would expect your brother fairly young.

Because there is an A.V.O. in place he should have stayed to it's conditions but in many cases an invitation is forthcoming from the childs other parent in this case like many " the mother ". Everything goes fine until dad objects to something or other then the AVO is there and used without compromise to teach them a lesson.

He should have stayed away but I understand why he didn't. If you have dates and times he was invited to share time with them and they are recorded in a diary or on S.M.S it would go to show he was invited and establish a routine at her request, this is doubtful that you have this because none of really expect our X's to behave in this manner and if we are told it may happen we don't believe it.

He seems extremely depressed and needs more support that even the family can give him, if you have a DID's near by then try and encourage him to attend, or suggest again the forum, he remains anonymous and we will try and give him a foot up.

There are so many factors that you may not know that it is hard to suggest alternates to you, he may have received certain written notifications that he has dismissed in a fit of depression and ignored them totally.

He does need to get his $hit together but it is not easy for him to do this, if you can try and get him to focus a little on the future and what he may achieve with his daughter and that she needs him, just about anything that gets him feeling he is needed and important, you may well not get his mind off his situation so try and work with it and get his attention on future events.

This won't help much because it relys on a great deal of frustration on both sides and he will not be understood by any close family member unless they have been through this and even then it will be different for him.

Main thing is just be supportive and encouraging as you already have, even if you suggests he reads your post and what people have said it may help both of you move forward.

Keep doing what you are he is lucky to have such a caring sister you are a legend.

All best D4E

Hi Concerned Sister and wonderful of you to speak so openly here. It helps each of us to assist in any way we can, even relating together as you have with D4E.
May I suggest he makes weekly appointments with his G.P. for the reason he needs reassurance beyond the home, as well as a Dr. Certificate for work days missed.
The third reason can be of assistance , but used carefully. Depression has to do with grievous loss I would think in his case. All the symptoms of hopelessness and lack of direction, confusion ,frustrated anger at times apathy and lack of motivation to do anything or go anywhere are integrally tired to his reality....and he sees no future.
I know you are at wits end Concerned Sister and you yourself will be suffering with him. And he needs you to be strong in being his mind, his decision maker if you would as he is too emotionally depleted to make reliable decisions that he himself can grasp and have confidence in.
Mediation implies three people. I suggest she is palming you off with a lie. His tears are good, he is expressing his dellema , his heart felt emotions.
AVO's are a pain and only add to the emotional state of loss. Not only does he see the relationship as loss to him. he is then punished often needlessly by a controller.
For her,...and I don't know her , yet becoming a mother is a large step for her. and she may well be acting on her own irrational fears,... not endowed with good reason.
Back to the Dr. Certificate. It may be helpful if the Dr. could write a Certificate to the Court, yet he must, for his benifit be seen by the Judge to be seeing a counselor , OR RETURN TO THE psychologist. make those decisions for him by making the appointments and taking him gently but firmly to them if necessary.
If it helps , let him know we care and we are here to speak with him, but not until you have encouraged him with a plan for the future.
Hoping I have seen the picture in the right light
Best regards to a fine woman, his Sister
Colin

Hi Concerned Sister, I hope you and your brother are enjoying happier days now, I say this because I realise this post was put up a little while ago but I have just read your story and it has really pulled a string I can tell you. What you and your family are going through is absolutely horrible. The feeling of lose that you have all gone through is one of the worst kind and my husband and I know this feeling well. I do hope that your brother has found some more support out there, I say 'more' because obviously you have been a great support for him thus far. I hope he has at least looked at this site, I know that just talking to a few of the great guys on here has helped me and I am truly grateful for that. It is a very hard position that you are in as well and I would just like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on having the strength to look out for your brother so much. I wish you and your family good luck and I hope that if you don't already have good news to share that you will very soon.
Take care