This is my first visit to this site. I have never poured my heart out online before. Please forgive me if I am unaware of protocols.

I am a man in my mid forties, and I was sexually abused as a child. I have recently made a police complaint about the man that did those things to me for over 4 years. I have been threatened by the perpetrators family and yet the police are not interested. I am expected to show up in court after being threatened but I'm too scared to go for fear of being harmed.

I have 3 children, two from a marriage and one from a disaster. My first two children are everything to me and the thought of suiciding is a real hurdle when it comes to them, but the thirdchild (the one from the disaster) I have only met three times. Her mother is a manipulative, malicious, nasty piece of work. I am resentful of this child and the thought of her instills a coldness in my heart. She is a wonderful child but her mother has used her as a weapon for so long I can no longer be objective. I have chosen to sever all ties with her and her mother. This decision has broken my heart..

I have suffered depression for three years, and I have come to the conclusion that it has not come to a question of if I kill myself but when.

I have lost everything, possessions, money, happiness, and the will to live.

I have been seeing a psychologist for three years and apart from spending a whole bunch of money I feel as though I am no better for the experience. She doesn't even return calls when I'm at my lowest.

I have been on every depression medication there is I think and none of them have done any good. I spend all day every day indoors with a weight around my neck.

The Child Support Agency has set my income at over three times what it actually is and under the capacity to pay law I am now compelled to pay nearly as much as I earn in child support for one child.

I made an objection which took over 7 months to hear and then they came to the same conclusion. Apparently I am a liar.

I have written to MP's, fat lot of good that does!

I have seen a lawyer, I am not able to qualify for legal aid and yet I cant afford the lawyer.

I don't even know why I'm writing this on this site. I guess I'd like to be heard in some capacity before I take the plunge. Perhaps statictics can get heard, depressed men certainly can't

I have heard all of the rhetoric about it being a selfish act. but I think that it is much more selfish for people to expect me to endure endless depression and low self esteem in order for them to not have to deal with my death.

I am broke, I am broken, and I have no motivation or indeed inclination to get well.

Thanks for reading.

I give up!

Well I'm still in the land of the living. Although I cant say my days are any better.
CSA upheld their decision to put my capacity to pay at 77k although I was earning almost nothing.

It took them 3 months to come to that decision. I appealed the last decision last december they took 7 1/2 months to "investigate" my objection and changed nothing. After a little over 2 months I am being investigated again. I put this down to the fact that I have made a complaint to the ombudsman.

Since I wrote my last message I have got a good job, it pays 55k and I really enjoy it, the problem is if CSA put my capacity to pay at say 82.5k then garnishee my wages for that amount I will be paying 50% more child support than I should be paying and no way to stop it from being taken.

My only choice is to resign this position and accumulate the debt. I was up last night planning ways to kill myself again, The suicide option is like a security blanket. .............. kill myself and all of my problems will be over. It's a real nice thought...not having to be bullied by CSA and the ex.

All attempts to come to an agreement with the ex are met with hostility. I am, once again, out of options.

I am in contact with a guy from the ombudsmans office, I hope he will use my death as a statistical lever to take the pressure off people like me. I have always agreed that child support should be paid, as long as it is fair.

I wish you all luck and I hope you find your answers.

Michael

michaelintaz

Please do not throw your life away for nothing, it won't make the difference you think it will.
Mate see your doctor tell him how you are doing and check if you can go on sick leave for awhile.
Even you idea of going on the dole is better.

Let us know what help you need and we will try and source info and ways to fight the system to make a difference.

Money just isn't a good enough reason lets see if we can get something happening and get some support to help you through.
You leaving in this way isn't going to take pressure off anything, fighting for survival will.

Let me know what I can do

G'day Michael,
I'm glad to see your post number 2 as well. I thought we had lost another brave dad.
The CSA can be beaten, all you need is the right info to do it.
Both ImaDAD and D4E have made some good points that give you food for thought. Especially in ImaDAD's first post in this thread.
Why not take a break for a few months?
Post again Michael, here you are among friends who care.

Tom

Just a suggestion: Please refer to 'Have Your Say >Life is just a Joke - A Comedy of Errors'.