Hi, My name is Brock. Im a 30 year old male who seperated from my wife 6 months ago. I have 2 boys aged 4 and 7. Upon seperating from my partner, she took out restraining orders to stop me having contact with our children I tried to fight the orders, but just didnt have the strength to face her lies in court. I last saw my children in February this year and miss them terribly. The restraining order trial was on Friday, and i have since tried to make contact with my ex partner to find out the outcome to no avail. I have relocated to QLD to try and get away for a while as the whoile seperation thing was doing my head in...My children and ex partner have remained in W.A. I miss them so much, and not a day goes by that i dont think about them and cry. I want to go back to fight for them, but at the same time, i dont have the emotional strength to do so. Since seperating, i have tried to take my life on 2 occassions, but was not successful...I really dont want to try a 3rd time, but im just so down and lost without them

Gee philmyglassop, what ever you do don't try a third time. Nothing could be worse for your kids than that Mate, I really feel for you. Make a phone call to Mens Line 1300 78 99 78. I found them fantastic; they're there 24 hrs.

The law now states that men should have an equal share in the rearing of the children....That might not mean 50/50, but it should ensure some contact...... It's one good thing that John Howard did (so i imagine it applies everywhere in Aus).

Get active, keep your chin up and get the help you need. Your situation is never ever worth considering that..........Get strong, get back to WA and get to see your kids....Best of luck buddy, you're in a big club.....Keep posting.

P.S. Other resources you can use in terms of getting access include......Chamber Magistrate (of the family court), legal access or law access (google it). Personally, I just kept reading, talking and listening until I understood it all. Good luck mate. Let us know how things work out.

Hi again...Well i made it through another night alive. I found out today from my folks that the restraining orders have been finalised and are now in force for a period of 2 years . Not bad considering the last communication i had with the ex, she told me she was going to withdraw the childrens ones as they were missing me greatly...Next thing this. How is one supposed to deal with something like this? 7 years of raising my boys, then no contact whatsoever just like that. The Law sux, ex partners suck...everything sux

Does the restraining order apply to the kids as well? If it does, I know in NSW Family orders override AVO's which I am suspecting are the same thing in W.A. I really encourage you to get some help both emotionally and legally (read my previous posts in this thread). The law does suck like you say, but get involved, do some research and i think you could be surprised with what is available...There is always hope. Your boys need you. Take care. I'm thinking of you matey.

qld court orders override them also. The other thing is, that a DVO or restraining order is not an admission of guilt, although it does come into consideration, it is not the be all that ends all in family court.

It holds a lot more weight if you are taken to court and found found guilty of assault or the like. So we were told.

you need to talk to D4E on this forum, he is in WA and has an excellent understanding of WA laws etc, he could be a big help, just PM him and he will reply, i will get in touch with him and draw hsi attention to this post

cheers

Hey Brock,

I have been reading our posts and the replies you have received, you've been given some good advice. I've been waiting to see how you respond as to what you want right now. I think at this point in time you really need emotional support and for you to enter into a legal affray will do you no good at all.

It's easy to say " go back and fight " but if you are not in a position to deal with more emotional assault it can be very damaging and increase your depression.

If there is a DID's meeting anywhere with in cooe then attend if not seek counseling and work through some of the emotional issues that you are feeling, as well as posting here.

This is not all doom and gloom and you do have recourse but you need to be able to function and separate some of the emotional turmoil and categorize what is emotional and what is legal, then move on to how to deal with things and make sure exactly what the A.V.O. is for and concerning.

The law is a tool that can be directed if you have some knowledge of how to use it for your cause.

You need to circle the wagons and start helping Brock and right now Brock need help with severe depression brought on by a chain of events. If you haven't already go and see your G.P. and let him know whats been going on, he may suggest medication and counseling. If you need to use both I know I have and it has helped immensely, just for now stick to healing soon enough we can have conversations about what can be done about other situations, right now even phone contact will be better than nothing but even this takes an enormous amount of patience and understanding on your part.

Let me know what you think and take it from me the pain you will leave behind through your kids life will be devastating yet you personally will not be remembered it's a much better scenario to heal and fight so they can know their father did not give up on them. You can be here for them in the future and their world will be a better place for it, you just can't imagine just how important you are.

Stay strong and reply soon.
D4E

Thanks for the advice D4E. I have seen my g.p and been put on an anti-depressant. People keep telling me things will work out in the end, but for me the end seems so far away. If there is any DIDS meetings in QLD, i would appreciate some info on locations etc, as a think i really need to start talking about this pain i hold inside and let it out. And your right, it is easy for people to say "go back and fight", but like you wrote. I know im not in any sort of emotional state to try and go through that again right now. I need to concentrate on getting myself better before i can work on seeing my kids again.

And for the record, the vro's were taken out of spite. I have never in my life laid a hand on my ex wife or my children, and i never would. Even after everthing she has done to me over the last 6 months, i still could and would not do anything. All i have asked for is phone contact with my boys, but she is even refusing to allow me this, and thats what hurts. This women and i were in love, and then this...i just cant understand it?????? Im about 30 mins south of brisbane for the dids meeting locations if that helps any.
Thanx for listening everyone

Hey philmyglassop glad to see the quick response believe it or not this is a very positive thing.

There is a post on locations on the cover page of the forum and I must admit although I advise people to attend DID's meetings where I am there are none in close proximity so once you do get to attend one you can let me know how it all went.

No one I know who has association with the system judges people on AVO's and such restraining orders, we know how easy they are to use as weapons as we know sometimes in the heat of the moment people might make a mistake because of the amount of shear fear and pressure, in many cases this can be made clear in court if things progress this far but that is far off in the future, don't get me wrong time may pass quick or slow and is not central in most ways to the journey of self healing. With myself the first year was a life time and the four years that followed have flown by like one year.

The ideal situation would be to go through mediation to look at re-establishing phone contact, this is for both you and your children but I know just how imposing the whole establishment concept is right at this time and this should be worked towards with patience as a goal that will be achievable.

Many hear are wise to many of the weapons of choice of partners who want to break free of their childrens best interests. Too many too share and way too much pain.

As you read through the site you will be struck by how many are similar to you and how they have reflected on some very painful experiences like your own.

You can always start a topic just to talk or ask questions one phenomena you will notice is that many read the posts but they may not reply, people hear listen and unless they feel they can help positively you may never hear from them but they do share your pain.

I was told in the beginning that unless you can heal yourself you can't be there for your kids. This of course is a double edge sword that many would argue with but in it's simplicity it is correct, your kids deserve your all. It's a journey that you grow into so take your path and never be scared to speak your truth but take care not to disclose personal details.

The truth about her ability to be so callous is not one that you may want to face right now but it's unfortunately simple and familiar to many.

I hope someone will respond close to Brisbane and give more detail.

Take care D4E

Hi Brock. Thanks for sharing. It is just so unfair isn't it. More often than not women like your ex do these things because they don't have a clue what they are doing and somebody gets in their ear with the wrong advice.
I'll bet she has little or no idea what she is doing. When it all is coming down on you like this you tend to think there is no way out and that is a perfectly natural way to feel. The fact is that it is only a reaction to a traumatic experience and more than likely not what you really want. I've been there...
You have options open to you and you can still have a relationship with your kids even with an avo.
It doesn't matter what sort of trauma that occurs in a persons life they will take some time to adjust to what has happened. This is no different.
If you can get your head around the fact that it will take a little time and you can cut yourself a little slack then things will get better.
Things may never be the same but different can sometimes be so much better. I can vouch for that.
I would have no hesitation in recommending a dids meeting to you. When you really feel that you can't go on they can change your life. You can call the Mens Centre on 1300 853 437 and ask for my good friend Pauls number. I believe he is not far from you up there.
Hang in there
Chris

Hi everyone. Thanks for your support and good words of advice. Went to the docs and had my anti-depressant increased which seems to be helping at the moment. And Chris your right about someone being in her ear. Her mother Her mother always said she thought of my kids as her own, and finally she got what she wanted i guess. I can understand why so many dads out there take the way out, and your right, that's not what i want to do, although sometimes i have come very very close. But the thought of one day perhaps getting to see my boys again is what pulls me through i think. I spent a bit of time making a few videos of my boys to try and keep my mind occupied and hope its ok to share them here so you can see why i am so distressed about the whole situation. Hopefully one day i will get to show them to my boys as well.

Thanks all, will stop in again

Only registered users can see links on this forum! Register or Login on forum!

Only registered users can see links on this forum! Register or Login on forum!

Only registered users can see links on this forum! Register or Login on forum!

Tried to make contact with the ex partner today to get her income details for my tax return (i know the restraining orders say im not allowed to) and she has changed her phone numbers. So i tried her mum, and guess what, she has changed her number as well Now i have no way of knowing what is happening with my children and i dont know what to do I want to fly back there and take strips of her but i know that will achieve nothing. People say i shouldtn think about ending my life, to think of the kids................but what is the difference? Im alive and can't see them, whats the difference if im dead?

Well Brock there is a lot of difference especially to your kids.

There are things that can be done and ways to access them legally and there are places that can assist you in doing this.

Instead of using the time to decide whether now is the time to die why not use it to self reflect and realize just how important you are. Use the time to heal after all this is why you left the state in the first place so lets get down to it.

This is a stage that many of us have experienced in differing ways but we have experienced it.

I'm not going to lecture you about the pain you will leave behind and the suffering of others, what I am going to tell you is that you have a worth that you don't even realize and never will if you chose to stop fighting.
It took me near on a year to learn this self worth and during that time I was in constant confliction whether I was needed on the green and blue planet.
It's a pretty big world and I'm only a small person but I'm a small needed person especially to my daughter. If I'd have chosen the dark path I would have never found that out.

Isn't it worth taking the chance and finding out, remember you can still gain access to your children but you need to have your head straight first before you tackle these issues otherwise you will no good to your kids or yourself.

Get to a DID's meeting ASAP to start with.

its just too hard