Hey All

I was talking to a friend the other day and it started me thinking.

His basic point is that we are soft on our children, not prepairing them for hardship through sheltering them.

Now coincidence is a big part of anyones life but we don't alway's realise till a few day's later, two day's before this I went to watch my daughter at swimming lessons and started to chat to the mum who was there, her point was that our local pool could have been used instead of travelling the 40 or so K's to a heated pool.

After all we did survive this if we were lucky enough to have swimming lessons, like many at the time my first lesson was my father pushing me into the pool.

My daughter is still young and in some way's I am definetley guilty of allowing her to have an easier begining than I.
Is this a bad thing am I disadvantaging her by not exposing her to the trauma I sufferd ?

If I parent by gently explaining possibilities of things that happen in life before they occure.

Her mother avoided telling our daughter about her nanna dying mainly to avoid having to deal with the problem and seeing as it was her mum " What the hey " instead I started slowly explaining about death so she was not frightend by it and was able to accept it as much as possible, I believe this introduction gave my daughter an edge to understand better.

But should this have been done the same way it was when I was a child, " We've got some bad news, your dad has to go in for a tripple bi-pass and he may not survive " " Oh and by the way your not allowed to go to hospital while he's there "
By the by he did survive but I think I was living in fear till he came home and from then till he died I feared that I would cause his death unless I was a perfect son, and blamed myself for many years any stress or illness he sufferd. All of which was imposed guilt and this was an ideal tool of the day.

I thought by gently easing my daughter into a situation it would give her time to become use to the idea and reduce the fear she may experiance by understanding what is happening.

The whole conversation with my friend started over me not telling my daughter that the end result of going to a specialist could well be an opperation, I simply said " We will see what he say'd there is no saying if he will operate or not " The opperation is a minor one and we don't even see the specialist for 2 months so why bother saying anything now ?
He expressed that not telling kids makes them soft when things happen when we are not in their lives.

I do have an opinion ( as most will know ) but what do others think ??

Most things in life just happen and you can't wrap your kids in cotton wool. As you will be learning now that life really is what you make of it and how you survive the outcome of every situation is pretty much determined by the way you were taught to deal with things as a child and your ability to adapt as you learn and grow. I consider myself lucky that not much was wrapped in cotton wool for me as a child. My parents called a spade a spade and I knew from the start that things die, people hurt one and other and yes life is tough. While there was a balance I find that I have become my father. I share his views and I make the same mistakes. I respect his strengths and I aim to be as good a man as he is.

My fears are all the same though. I am uncertain in my thoughts about any father who didn't have the same concerns. I think you will do allright.

Hang in there
Chris