Unfortunatley bixter76 the system allows them to be like this and in some cases encourages it.

Thats why I believe we should start at 50/50 and work back, Neither parent should be allowed to move unless it's agreed upon by both parties and if they do they should be made to move back, if they can not afford this then they should relequish custody of the child/ren to the other parent unless they agree to impose a time limit on the return.
All should be inforced by heavy fines or jail time. For both parents.

Equall parenting rights for both parents, and both parents to have equal say.

One can but dream................

If you need to vent here is a good place. We are all human and none are perfect alot of us need to allow ourself's to feel but most of us are really bad at the timing, hense foot in mouth disease.

Hang in there and remember you are fighting for a childs entitlements and right to see her Parent and little brother.
I have my fingers crossed for a good outcome that you will be able to live with.

D4E

Hazarding at a guess... how do you reckon we would go if we found some way to move back to Sydney and trying to get on our feet (in the meantime hopefully having her every other weekend like we used to), then once we were on our feet a bit better and hubby had a job (I would be a SAHM still which would mean looking after his daughter too if he wasn't there), going for 50/50? Do you reckon it would be favourable to apply? The very least they would award is EOW and half school holidays wouldn't they? At a guess?

edited to update todays news:

Legal Aid rang. Hubby spoke to a lawyer. She has suggested that he sets up a Family Law Conference rather than a mediation. Both parties will be represented free by a lawyer she said. She also stated that we could've made ex stay where she was but we've left it too long. Bummer... on a better note the lawyer told hubby that ex's lawyer will say to her that she has to pay for half of all associated contact visits including accompanying her on the plane for these visits or she'll have to go to court and the courts will make her. Hubby said the lawyer he spoke to was fairly adamant that even if it went to court that thats what they would order.

Is this something to be excited about?

Hey bixter76


Good response from Lawyer, and might I suggest a better option ( personal experiance has formed stogent opinions ) In the state I am in parties are both expected to do a seminar on the effect that children can suffer due to petty bickering as well as give you an idea of the process.

The old could have done something routine, does not allow for the fact that you had no representative to explain your rights, nor does it accomidate the fact that she moved without letting you know. Perhaps if you rang other laegal advisors or even the court themself to make sure that this is infact factual, pop on the Family Law Court websight, there should be a link to the rules and laws there and take a look yourself. Never trust anyone alway's double check, a lot of lawyers do not know all the rules and laws check, check and check again until you are certain.

Your husband is right with the lawyers speil at the end of the day they will be orders but make sure they accomidate all that need to be looked at such as:

* Having full access to schooling functions, grounds, classes and reports.
* Full access to medical information, informed prior to any medical procedure's and access to all medical staff who will be informed that you both have access to info.
* Unlimited phone contact for both parties.
* 48 hrs notice to any change in address or phone number.

I think you can grasp the idea. I have heard horror stories about Fathers not being allowe to enter hospitals because there X has protested that it was not part of the orders and he is a danger, the staff have to comply because they don't know the threat.

The other thing that you need to consider is making the orders for a set length of time and then look at them being revewed. Explain your intension to relocate when you are financially able too, so that contact may be increased to an appropriate level, the best idea is to be honest but not too forward, if you say now that you intend to go for 50/50 you may cause panic in the X and this will be detrimental to the overall intention.
Let the court know that the preference would be to have the child back to where she has grown and has an established routine and social group, but as you have been advised legally this is not an option you are willing to re-locate through lack of option.

I have been through the court mediation as well and you still have to have your guard up and be strong in your view that your way is the best way and be able to back it up when they ask " do you realise what damage this will do to your child " and questions like that, confidence in these situations seems to go out the window and you end up questioning yourself DONT. You have both done the ground work and are sure you way is the most appropriate for the child, but you are willing to comprimise slightly.

My X went in there blubbering calling everything under the sun, I went in there relatively calm did not diss her in the slightest and was willing to comprimise, responded in like to the question but still lost my bottle and became very withdrawn ( I still got bullied just not so bad ).

Though it is not bad I was my own downfall because of the depression I suffer let me down.
The first thing that I can offer is that it is not as intimadating as you imagine. I was self repping and had absolutely no support, not in the way I needed, I didn't know about DIDS otherwise I would have contacted a group in my state capitol where I had travel 300 kliks too, and if I can get through this I am sure your man and you will brease it, stay confident this will be decission making time.

I know these are long posts but there is so much to let you know to help get rid of some of the fear that may creep in especially if it does not go exactly the way the lawyer tells you.

hope some help.

P.S. good idea about the 50/50 make sure that you are known as a significant other with full responsibilities when it's done, mind you by that time there may be a change in legal perception of the law that will better benefit the kids of Australia.

Good News D4E

G'day bixter,
Just a word of warning when it comes to Solicitors and the like . As many will in this forum attest to, they will more often than not tell you what they think you want to hear so a bit of reasearch on your part can go along way .
I feel for you guys in the situation you're in.
Good luck.

DC

From my limited expertience, the Legal Aid Family Law conferences run by Legal Aid Queensland are OK. I suspect that that the solicitor that spoke to hubby is correct, but it is still a risk inherent in the system, IE Legal advice to clients is confidential, so there is no way of know what a solicitor may actually say to BM. Also, there is no way of forcing BM do do anything, short of going to court. Having said that, if BM gets the appropriate advice, she may see she has no choice.

If you did find a way to move to Sydney, and could live near to where the child is going to school, you would have a really good case for shared care.

During the Legal Aid conference, don't forget to ask for clauses covering the eventuallity the you move to sydney.

Hi bixter 76 Good to see that you have somewhat ceased tearing your hair out, and have found a way, a direction in which to travel.

You may find not-anti-dad and mouse on the Forum as well as other guys and gals. Look up their list of posts.
The issues you are contending with are indeed a great reason to seek Legal Aid, even to clear your mind of some fears, and find relief for other questions. Also mousehas many posts and has an incredible insite into issues, as does our entire team.

Look up any posts by those speaking and see if you can locate a part of the puzzle which may exist on the Forum. Don't pull your hair out, pamper yourself and go to a hairdresser, great relaxation as well. Then a trip to L.A.

Good luck, keep us posted, be positive as best you can.

Colin S

Hiyas

Just thought I would add an update. Hubby spoke to Legal Aid again yesterday. They had actually put his application on hold because they thought that we would be attending mediation whilst on our holiday in Sydney (that we just got back from on Thursday). He told them that BM had just had a baby so it didn't happen.

They then proceeded to tell him that they didn't think they would grant legal aid to him because it was only to do with the costs and the travelling that we were fighting about (we actually wanted to get proper orders set up - it wasn't just the cost - albeit the costs were what started it). They are going to set up a Family Law Conference soon (to be advised when) but I don't know where to go from here.

Seems to be brickwalls everywhere!

These gears turn really slow still.

My experiance with the system tends to show that the due process of they early to court stages of the system try to pursuade you to settle for minimal contact and what best suits the mother, even if you put up a good plan concentrating on the future.

At the time I went through this I was n a depleated mental and physical state NONE of this was taken into consideration and all even my own LA lawyer applied pressure to sign papers for minimal contact.

Don't sign anything on the day, if something is suggested do not refuse simply TELL them that you need time to look at the proposal.
Be prepaired and practice for high pressure situations.
And try to explain that only court orders can be forced upon the situation, everything else must be agreed too.
Sometimes it may be more beneficial to follow the process all the way through.
Most of all keep your objectives simple and reasonable,
If they are unreasonable and outlandish it will go against you and in early stages you will suffer humiliation from some of the people you will have to deal with.
NEXT STEP PREPAIR and gain confidence physcologically gain strength.

These are just a few thoughts, other may have different thoughts.