Dads in Distress - Help After Divorce / Separation

OneAdad · Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:39 pm Post subject: Mediation and Negotiation

Most childrens cases in family law are settled outside the courtroom. Sometimes it is by formal mediation, and sometimes it is during negotiations conducted outside the courtroom. One thing is absolutely certain in either case. Unless you know what you want, believe it is best for the kids, and know the reasons why you have your position, you will be vulnerable to pressure, from mediators, solicitors and anybody else involved.

In Newcastle Family court, they even have a name (unofficial) for it, "the rollover room"

Knowledge is power, find out how the courts work. Decide how involved in your children's lives you really wish to be, and why. Step outside your own shoes for a minute, grant yourself judicial power, then consider this question. "In the cold light of day, and with no emotion, and with your circumstances, would you grant the orders you are asking for?". If you ask and answer this question honestly, you will undersatnd what you need to do.

_________________
Together we stand - divided we fall
If you are not responsible for your actions - then you are not responsible enough to care for kids!

Aussie · Joined: 02 Dec 2005 Posts: 276 Location: Qld.

congrats, that is one of the most relative and sensible pieces of advice i have seen in a long time.

you must get outside the circle to achieve the above and you must be able to leave your emotions out of it, then and only then will you start "winning"

spike · Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:36 pm Post subject: Statistics and sufferers

At a recent conference in the Newcastle Federal Magistrates Court someone from the court was heard to say that 95% of cases brought before the court were relating to matters that could and would be (and eventually were) settled in mediation and counselling, therefore that is the best place to start negotiations where family matters were concerned, and that was where a large number of matters would be sent anyway. Something to consider before filing maybe ?
It was also said that there was a growing awareness of parental alienation, and fairer outcomes could be expected in relation to that in the future.
They are listening guys, lets hope for the future.
Chris

Aussie · Joined: 02 Dec 2005 Posts: 276 Location: Qld.

apparently, nationally, only some 7% (approx) of cases actually make it into court and of these a large section is negotiated even then.

of the remainder, false allegations of abuse are something like 85% of the cause of remaining conflict (parental alienation) and the courts are sick of it.

think about it, if we could knock out the major cause of conflict then immagnine how many cases would be left for the court to hear.

i believe that the new changes offering more focus on mediation is excellent and must surely be seen as an attempt to minimise the chances of tose remaining few making it to court also.

the reality is that if we all took a deep breath and were able to go down the path of mediation as a way of achieving a result, we would all be better off (both sides and the children).

this of course will not work on those wanting it all their way for whatever reason, but we must all accept that one of the real cost to break up is that our lives will never be the same again and nor can they be.

if we can accept that then we can be fairer in our negotiations also making an out of court arrangement more likely.

having said all that, it is easier said than done when emmotions abound and some times rule our heads.

ImaDAD · Joined: 16 Dec 2006 Posts: 105

Hi guys,

Here is a link to the Federal Court Summary of Mediation.

Cheers,

ImaDAD Smile

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Quote:

Mediation

What is mediation?

Mediation is a way of settling cases without having a hearing in court. It is supervised by the Federal Court. It is cheaper and less formal than having a case heard by a Judge.

Mediation is also called alternative dispute resolution (ADR).

If the case does not settle at the mediation it can be heard by a Judge later. The parties will then have a better idea of the issues and facts of the case.

Mediation can also help to reduce the stress of going to court.

The first step in starting a case in the Federal Court is filing an application form. This means a person sends or delivers his or her application form to the Court by bringing it to the Court, or by posting or faxing it or by sending it by the Internet.

Once an application form has been filed, a Judge may order that the people involved in the case meet in a mediation. Usually, but not always, everyone agrees to this. The people involved in the case are called the parties.

At the mediation there is a neutral person, called the mediator, who helps the parties settle their differences through negotiation. The mediation is confidential and all discussions are 'without prejudice'. This means that anything said during the mediation cannot be used against a party if the case is heard by a Judge at a later time.

© Federal Court of Australia 1996 - 2004

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mikestech0 · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 22

Yea think I'm going to go through family court if she has her way.
I want to mediate, i will make the appoitment before the end of the week.
She has told me that she is going to see some type of legal aid this week, wouldn't give me any precise details.
She told me she wants to know what she is entitled to.
I'm being as fair as i can but she's upset because she couldn't buy me out of the property and she blamed me for it.
How can it be my fault when she wanted seperation and low and behold I haven't done anything to her in the past.

determined_dad

Speaking of newcaslte. . I had the "family conference" with my X facilitated by a supposed counsellor who holds a clinical degree in psychology. This prick sat there and had the hide to tell me it would not be detrimental to my children's welfare (2yo & 10m old) if I only see them once a month, and that in his learned opinion, it was a bit rough of me to ask my X to return to the children's original home state for 6 months while I look for work in NSW. . .(I even offered to pay all the bills and move out of the house. . .(I am trying very hard not to type expletives here. . . .)

If you come across xxx, stand your ground, I now wish I had taken it to the FM, even through the advice I'd been given was it would get me nowhere and would create more conflict - in short I caved in, and now I'll never know. The X had another win over and above what she has done in removing my kids to the other side of the country.....

So much for the so called "system". . .it has a long way to go. As for xxx, I would not feed him or trust him as far as I could throw his sorry ass.

Next stop - property concilliation conference in June - I wonder which clown I'll have to deal with there. . . . .

Names removed by Moderator to ensure compliance with section 121 Family Law Act 1975

_________________
my father gave me this advice: "put your kids first, it's the most important thing you can do - the rest will take care of itself" (hard to believe at the moment but I trust him)

spike · Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:54 am Post subject: We hear you loud and clear, but

Hi Determined Dad. Yes mate we hear you loud and clear. And yes I believe your concerns are warranted. Please do not get yourself into further trouble by naming people in the way you have. The consequences can be serious.
The rules of the website are in place so we can continue to help within the boundaries of the law.
It has been said to me many times that there are many people working within the system who have become conditioned to the process and lost their impartiality.
At present I am personally unaware of how to follow up on concerns of this nature but I am determined to look into it. The system is extremely complicated and yet still very inadequate. It was set up to protect itself first and foremost.
If any contributors to this forum are aware of the correct procedure I am sure they will let us both know.
There are people working in these positions that come to our attention at dids in this way on a regular basis. If people do not find out the correct process to have their concerns about them heard and follow through with that then nothing will change.
If what he said to you was true then it sounds as though he was giving you advice that is contrary to the guidelines in the new changes to the new family law act.
Hang in there
Chris

Colin Spratt · Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:18 pm Post subject: Mediation

Thanks Determined Dad for sharing on the Forum. We at dids are most interested to assist you.
Would you be so kind as to take a deep breath( as my of us need to as well ) and speak once again, making it absolutely clear as to your position, and your needs at this point in time.

It would seem you have not been treated with the respect that is you due.eg As many of us have our computers upgraded we do not know what process is required to correct the computer's deficiancy.......and may be treated ,..how can I delicately put it........ Like a 'half wit', of which your not , nor I. Lets see if we can assist. If we cannot have the answer ourselves , that is not a problem , I am yet to meet the 'WALKING Encyclopedia.'
Yet if you clarify , we will do our utmost to find someone who can assist.

Thanks again Determined Dad

'NEVER BE AFRAID TO TRY SOMETHING NEW. REMEMBER A RAW LONE AMATEUR BUILT THE ARK....AND A LARGE NUMBER OF PROFFESSIONALS BUILT THE TITANIC.! ! !

Colin S

mikestech0 · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 22

Well hows this for a turn around.
I went to mediation early last month and handed the letter to the x.
She just ignored it.
I have been asking her to go so we can get the process under way.
She had a go at me when i was back at work because I didn't buy things when i was home ie:dog food, yes dog food.
We are sharing the house until settlement in July and I'm paying the max of Child support.
She can olny have a go when i'm at work ova the phone, not face to face, weak as piss.
Anyhow I ran CSA to let them know of more of her goings on as they have been very helpful throughout this whole process.
My x had allready spoken to CSA and you wouldn't believe it they asked her to seek mediation.
Gee something I have been asking for the last month.
Told CSA I have allready given the x a letter for mediation.
CSA got straight back on the phone and told the x to ring the meditation place.
Got a phone call yesterday and the mediators are setting up a day when i'm home to finally do something.
Yippee.
So at this stage i'm getting prepared.
I'm going through Center Care In WA if anybody is interested.
Cheaper than the family relationship center i think.
Been doing a lot of homework, you have to.
Piece of advise: keep being postive,chin up,remember your kids, they come first in all situations,mediators like this attitude.
Don't forget to stand up for your self, don't let the x walk all over you, you have rights to

D4E · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 1842 Location: Western Australia

Good to hear that you've are moving forward.

I tried mediation ( government bodies ) and had a negative experiance, I still sing the praises of mediation but strongly advise that you stand firm at you minimum expextations.

And don't sign anything that you are not happy with.

Best of luck mikestech0 you've done well to get this happening.