Hi All,

Regretfully I find myself in the middle of a text book case of clearly identifiable PAS. Even more regrettably after discovering PAS and it’s close fit to my personal situation I find that it is not a welcome acronym in Australian courts. I am seeking pointers to anyone in the psyc field in Australia with experience in the area that I might be able to call upon for assistance or expertise. Nearest I have come to anything supporting PAS is Bettina Arndt in her recent “Hatred spills out in family law” article.

I have read a bit of recent case law & also the PAS note on the FLC site which appears to indicate a strong anti-PAS leaning in Australia regardless of the opinions expressed by overseas specialists such as Bone, L.F. Lowenstein or R. A Warshak. I also found elsewhere a very comprehensive rebuttal of the earlier criticisms of work based on R. A Gardner’s research. The rebuttal particularly addresses and negates the issues put forward against PAS on the FLC site, specifically the fallacy regarding DSM-IV.

In my particular situation I have a documented 12 year history of what we now identify with as PAS which finally lead to complete alienation from my (12 yo ) son after 4 successful years of 50/50 joint custody, albeit whilst dealing with a continuous & ongoing process of active undermining of about every conceivable moment in our lives. The case is free of side issues known to plague PAS cases such as violence or sexual interference. The case history fits Gardner’s key points like a hand in a glove, a view shared by others, including counsellors with whom I have spoken.

In this particular situation there is a readily identifiable pattern of behaviour based not so much on spite or vindictiveness but simply on an increasing state of psychosis resulting in a severe lack of grip on reality, just not bad enough at any given time to call for the white coats. Regardless of this I find myself in a position whereby having behaved by the book I effectively have zero rights, nada, zip. Essentially it appears that the person who snatches the kid has the rights, particularly in this instance as to put any pressure on my son would be to accentuate the existing harm to which he has already been subjected.

The sad part about this is that it had to get this bad before we started to search around and eventually read about and understand PAS. I had been tip toeing along hoping my Son would manage to become old enough to see a clearer picture himself and the ex’s influence and disruptions would be disempowered. I spent my own childhood being waved around like a stick between two warring parents, complete with all of the emotional blackmail, and as a consequence had no desire to see my Son exposed to such behaviour. Unfortunately by not climbing down into the swill with my ex she has had a clear & unchallenged run to bribe, lie and generally sabotage my relationship with my Son, all the while insulating him from any responsibility or accountability for his actions.

As a result, the damage is serious and his ability to see the big picture does not currently exist as we have recently been hearing things from him that are both fabricated and clearly not even possible, yet he steadfastly believes them and reacts in a very hostile fashion if the fallacious beliefs are in any way challenged with a view to trying to show their implausibility.
His demeanour is sullen & very depressed, his grades have crashed and I haven’t been able to speak to him in weeks, (unless he wanted something) so I guess her job is successful. He now has an excellent basis for being a child at risk but no one wants to know until they dig him out of an alley with a needle stuck in his arm.

Over 6 months the state of our relationship become gradually worse but in the period of 14 days we went from warm hugs & fun to accusations of violence and the ultimate clanger, a hatred of my cooking. The latter one being very amusing because at my house he eats very well & normally raves about the food and is most definitely not the type to cover up a dislike.

Thanks to this site I found the trail to research and the last 12 years fell into clear focus, as did the bizarre relationship between my ex and my mother-in-law. Two extremely narcissistic individuals, raised in troubled domestic arrangements with little regard for anyone or anything, no empathy or emotional maturity. The chilling part of this is that this behaviour is the end-product of the PAS process, that is, what the child grows into.

I tried the Department of Child Safety but, as my Son didn’t have an arm ripped off, they didn’t want to know about it. Ironic, an arm heals but PAS can damage for life and yet no-one wants to know about it.

I commence mediation (all of which I have organised) this Tuesday but given my ex’s behaviour of late I see no possibility of a favourable outcome as she is now locked in a mode of belief where it is not possible for my Son to exist without her 24x7 intervention so it appears that my only option will be to take the show to court to try and get assistance imposed on my Son.

Currently my ex has rejected any moves to have anyone involved with us in a counselling role. She has however insisted on my Son being able to “Speak his truth” in the mediation process. She may as well use a pull-string barbie doll for all the relevance of what he will currently be saying.

So with failure of mediation firmly in sight I am looking for people or resources to draw upon to try to construct a means of gaining leverage to get a trained child psychologist to be appointed to assist my Son. Ideally I would like to find a way of “fixing up” the three of us, but I suspect that that is aiming a bit too high.

Anyone know of a Uni researcher who needs a guinea pig or three or a lawyer with a burning desire to have their name on a judgement which sets some case law in the PAS area in Oz ?

De_dad

HI AND WELCOME TO YOU de-dad,
Have you found assistance as yet or had replies via Private e-mail from dids, please share if you still require help.

Best regards Colin S

As I understand it you will have a lot more success establishing PAS in this country simply by establishing each activity that the other party does that fits the description. PAS was first described as such many years ago and lead to a flurry of people claiming it was occuring in their relationships. The result was that the genuine cases were watered down by the fraudulent ones.
The end result was that the courts tended to refrain from using the terminology when making judgements. There is nothing to stop you from establishing the type of behaviour that your ex is engaging in, however calling it PAS might well work against you and not for you.
The activities described as PAS are common in the 'Worst case scenario's'
and from my experience truly are occuring everywhere.
Hang in there
Chris

Hi Spike,

Thanks for that input and I once more have added to the understanding I have of the issue.
Col S

I think one of the biggest points is it is not recognised as a Syndrome and therefore has no medical definition.
Parent Allienation, classed simply as disruption to a relationship of offspring to effected parent.

Not many people keep a diary of negative thing whilst in a relationship that may happen to the children, but some who get info early can keep diaries of events and even record conversations, essential things when establishing pre-medition of allienation.

Many allienators are exceptional manipulators, they are hard to catch out unless they make stupid mistakes. Pleading " the best interest of the child " and that the other parent caused the situation. Dare i say sociopaths.

Just my view anyway

Thanks for the replies, I have a fair bit more personal info which I will contribute when I can be happy with the opposing Solicitor possibly reading it
Apologies for the cryptics

Back soon.

de-dad We will each be waiting for any news hopefully good , medium , or not so great, thinking of you in all of your challenges.
Good preparation is always the means to success, or as close as the courts will agree on. Best from the Forum , take care, and see you in the future. ColS