Could anyone help as i have mediation soon.
I'm going there with one thing in mind MY KIDS.
Have some plans in my head and I will put them to paper.
Currently work fly in fly out 2n1, currently have the kids for the week that I'm home, this is 24hr care.
Our issues are property settlement and child access.
Don't think she would deny me that week with the kids.
Have done a fair bit of homework and my goal is to have consent orders drawn up but i have been told recently about final orders.
Not sure what to do here, I've been told if i don't have final orders and i buy my own home, she could still claim for half of it (thats just not fair), is this true, if so, could i claim for half of the property she buys.
It's just getting to complicated, want to get on with my life and not have to go through this crap.
I have been to a family lawyer in the past and laid every thing down in front of him, he told me the max she would get in court is 60%.
She's seen legal aid and she told me that she could get 80%, personally i think its crap(smoke n mirrors), when she told me i didn't say to much, just asked her if thats what she really wanted, me not beening able to provide for my kids and she said no, I also advised her that legal aid wont do property settlement and child access, she would have to spend the money for a proper lawyer and we all know how much that costs.
So if anyone has advice on mediation and final orders would be great
Cheers Mike.....

Hi Mike

Do your self a favour go to the family court web sight and download the forms for final orders, and any instructions pertaining to them.
This will give you an idea of what you will be expected to divulge and the basic lay out of finances.

Believe nothing of what any lawyer tells you until you have second opinions on your situation or at least input from other ( as you have asked here )

I asume that the legal process has not started yet and that this mediation is the begining of things so this will put you under the new system.

As far as child issue's go you have already established a routine for the children for the past aprox six month isn't it ?? and if there is no problems about getting them to school ect why should it change.

The rule I've read on property covers both parties for a year prior and a year after seperation, not divorce but seperation.
he financials are suppose to take into consideration each parents input into the financials ect and their input in parenting, I think you have said prior that when you came home and you were together, you took the role of matriac, make that clear.

Another thing to watch is that the truth will be butcherd at times in the favor of one or other, don't get pissed off just re-establish the truth with fact keep on track.

legal aid will provide funding for childrens issues.

Be prepaired to negotiate but do not agree to anything you feel is unbreasonable unless you are willing to be at peace with it.

Best of luck take water and meditate a little before you go, emotions do run high and your reactions will be noticed.

mediation is being done through a goverment organisation called Center Care.
The pair of us sit down with a mediator and trash out any issues, consent orders can be drawn up and submittied to the family court. with out even having to go.
If we can't agree on the issues, yes i think the mediator will direct us to the towards the court.
This was the sort of things i was told when i was profiled in the begining buy Center Care.
Hopefully we can finish it without going to court.
Depends on her mood which is all over the place, doesn't matter what i do, nothing helps.
Just keeping positive thats all i can do.

All you can do is your best Mike,

If she's being unreasonable it will show on the day.

Things can be sorted at any point without going to court if you both consent.

My X couldn't even bring herself to talk about finances because it meant she was responsible, she would even break down in meetings just to avoid the responsibility, no doubt her life is just an accumalation of different events that she did not truely particiate.

I can't even be botherd trying to figure it out anymore I just knew she would sacrifice everything to avoid responsibility and this would have meant lengthy court and possible negative outcome for my daughter in the future.
Know when to hold, know when to fold.

Sometimes the only thing to do is admit defeat on the money and win on the contact.
It can be that the opposition gets so bloody minded everyone loses on everything but only you know your X to decide when that is.

Some people are just F#@$ed up to the point their reality is different to everyone elses.

Take care and best of luck D4E

Your absolutley right, my x is a real mixed bag of emotions, one minuite angry /bitter then the next, really friendly.
Me having the kids for the full week I'm off, she has carried on about missing them, she's ringing them every night, I have told her numerous times she is welcome to see the kids at anytime considering we are sharing the house until settlement in July and she isn't there when I'm home.
X is a good mum and i would never deny her access while i have them but, It will change when i have my own home.
She can't just come over as she please's
Mine you i have been having them since Jan 07 so if we went to court i think the judge would let me carry on with the exsisting arrangements.
Just like to thank you guys for the support.
I know its only been 6 months but it's been hell, i never want to go through this again, my kids are feeling the affects of this and trying to support and love them and get on with things is very hard, all in all i'm getting there
kids are 9 and 11

Mike those six months would have seemed like an eternity on one hand and flown by without notice on the other but the positive is that they have formed a routine for the kids.

Things may well settle into a better routine when they do have the two homes, it will be a strain for then too, as far as mum ringing them every night and trying the guilt trip thats just not healthy for them or her.

We have just changed from twice a week phone to once a week, my reasoning was because it was affecting my daughter negativeley my X agreed because it had become an inconvieniance on one of the day's.

Best of luck you've come a long way in a difficult situation keep at it.

D4E

Well.......it went ok though all she basically talked about was money and going to court/lawyers, I talked on what i can offer the kids.
Meditators saw right through her i think, they kept reminding her about going down the court path but she ignored it Stupid B.??
Everthing she talked about was WE WE, the mediator as her if there was another party involved in the dispute, she said no, she was talking about her father...
After meditation a couple of days later she made me an offer and i said we will take to mediation.
Next appoitment is next month.
Cant believe how people change so much when money is concerned.
Hopefully the next sesion the mediators will clamp down on her hard, they weren't that happy with her attuidue this time, you could see it plane as day.
I'm just going to re-enforce I'm there for the kids and nothing else.

Well done mikestech0,

Perfect mediative sense, you concentrated on the important things, the kids.

I think the mediator may have seen that the kids are being used as leverage.

Don't be too concerned about the concentration regarding money, your X's father obviously has a major influence in your X's life and she is lapping up his attension, when alls said and done and she comprimises for less than daddy insits it will all go pear shaped for her.

Don't forget what they say in business " Never accept the first offer "

You must be starting to feel a little tickled, you really have done a great job.

Best of luck Mike

Yea, dissapointing that she on about money, she even brought my freqeunt flyers in as an asset, what a Joke!!!!!
Tells you me and the mediators one thing, X needs MONEY!!! and thats all X is thinking about.
The Light is at the end of the tunnel and I'm thrilled X will be out of my life.
Just feel I have been used for 13 years....
But there is life after seperation and I have allready found it...

Well what can i say but it's over.
Had the second lot of mediation.
This time i was more aggressive which put her in the back seat.
But we did settle and i got what i wanted even though X got more, it doesn't matter.

Things I have learnt
Chaps, what ever happens do whats important for you and your kids and no one else, stand strong and be honest, you will learn more about yourself during this process than you ever will.

Make sure you have all the facts in front of you and done all the paper work required as you wouldn't want to be embarrested as this will give your X more ammo to use against you.

Dont put her down during this process even though she might do it to you.
You can stop the process at anytime to take a break if you are being put down.
But make sure you tell the mediator why you want a break.

Read all the info given to you, Don't just chuck it in the cupboard, alot of this is quite helpfull.

Seek legal advice in person or over the phone as every case is different.
Know your rights.

Be prepared to bargin to a point(do your HOMEWORK), going to mediation with a one track mind will not help.
I had this situation were X wanted half my frequent flyer points in cash, well I couldn't cash them in myself and there not classed as an asset (from a legal stand point) but i offered X half of the points anyway, but X had to buy her own card so i can transfer the points.

Above all play your cards close to your chest and bring it out a mediation and no were else not even friends.
Once you are finished with mediation fell good about what you have achieved, move forward and don't look back, It's now time to get on with your life and enjoy your kids.
I haven't felt this good in a very long time...

Second DC there mikestech0

Congrates all round

D4E

Thanks guys
preperation is the key.
but it could all turn to Shit if the X is real nasty, maybe i have been lucky, even though X has been thrown threats at me for the last 6 months.
We all know now it's smoke N mirrors.
I did notice through out all of this that i have been one step ahead of her all the way, this is a good postion to be in as X really didn't do any homework
I think the only reason I'm in this postion is because of getting as much info as possible from all different places like
DIDs of course
Mens help line
Family court
My CSA case manager, been very helpfull, lots of good info
Center Care/Family relationship center. mediation
My councillor
As many over the phone laywers (free adivce)
My own lawyer (payed for adivce)
The Company i work for have been very supportive
Made a lot of new friends who have been through this before and one very special to me.
So chaps, life is out there, don't just sit there and do nothing.
Get offf your rear and live again, I know it's difficult and the pain is the worst I have ever encountered but start lookn for that light, it's there. KEEP POSITIVE
Mike....

If it does turn nasty and court is the only option left, a similar attitude is needed to that used in mediation. An understanding of what is possible, knowing what you want to achieve and an open mind.

I would also suggest getting at least a couple of legal opinions, because they are largely subjective, it is usefull to find out what the range of options may be.

Well what can i say but it's all over.
I'm now debt free, Yet I still feel i have been ripped of, worked hard for 15 years and have been put back 10 years as a result of seperation.
But i cant let it eat me, I'm better than that.
I would like to thank you guys for the support over the last 6 months, it's been a lot of help.
The funny thing is X has been wonderful since everything has settled.
Guys the advice is out there so don't be affraid to ask for help.
I will stay on DIDs to offer my help and support, it's the least i can do.....
Cheers Mike..........