I'm still of the opinion that more than one law could be applied and at the end of the day you just play Mr honey.

If your request expressed a need to enter the house and the locks where changed to keep you out then play the good guy and send another letter stating that because of this you were not able to enter the premises and request that another appointment be scheduled and offer the acceptance of a third party to supervise.

Thing is if you keep being pro-active you will look snow white and willing to compromise, this way if it does get to court they can't throw anything at you such as " He hired a lock smith to enter even though he knew the locks had been changed, my client changed them in the first place through concern of theft, when she returned items had been removed from the property or her personal items had been re-arranged "

It may be frustrating but she has sent a very strong message and when it does come to scrutiny her changing the locks is a lot less intrusive than you entering the property when this has been done.
Family law can ignore aspect of civil law as justifiable or ignore your rights in favor of fabricated fear.

Become Mr tephlon and no $hit will stick

womble you just have to wake up man ...

it can easily be said that you are harrassing her, stay the hell away and focus on seeing your children, the ambit claim is as others have said, just crap, get used to this type of thing, lies outragious demands etc, it is all part of what is happening and what is going to happen, she has started the ball rolling now.

be advised, if you keep going there her next step may be to go for a DVO and she WIlL get it as all she has to say is she is in fear of whatever, do not think that she has to have a legimate proven reason, thats just not how it is, yes you have rights under law but those laws have nothing to do with your situation and at the end of the day will offer you nothing if she gets a DVO, it will overide all those beutifull laws that the solicitors tell us we have rights under.

she lives there, not you and she has rights to such things as privacy etc and you seem not to respect that, you are heading for trouble if you don't back off in that area.

i suspect you two are playing the control thing, you may not be but you are sure pushing the boundries.

the one thing that you have to accept and that you cannot change is that your life will not be the same again, it has already been changed, it is a bitter pill but the one that swallows it first will be the one better off.

there is the law, there is ethics, there is morality, there are solicitors and then there is reality

there is the children and nothing other comes first, i lost a 900k property and another 300k in legals before I woke up that all of this meant nothing when compared to the children

sorry for being so direct but that's me, cheers mate

No offense taken Aussie, every point of view is valuable in this awful time and a direct one is often the way forwards.

I've been really careful to not access the house at all since she moved back from o/s unless specifically invited - and now would not even do that for fear of baseless DVO/AVO claims. I have actually been to the local police and explained the situation and had my details logged etc - they were very helpful and did explain that in some of these situations they are forced to act even though they feel they shouldn't need to and staying away/out was the best option.

I also only go around to pick up or drop off my son - and then only at specifically arranged times and I have gotten into the habit of ringing the front gate bell not knocking on the door.

I just want a fair (some chance!) outcome on settlement and good access to my boys so I can be a proper dad, not just a weekend visitor.

That's also why I didn't get a locksmith or anything foolish, just did the outside work and left. ALso took a witness and got the next door neighbour to help as well to ensure there could be nothing said that would be substantive.

It's just the " game " womble I haven't heard of anyone who likes it but we just have to learn how to play.

I know myself that I was full of gusto and vimma and was ready to take on the system in my moral and just cause back up with a good shaking of child and parental rights.

I soon felt the brunt of the game and was knocked on my posterior every time I got up. Soon enough I learned how to dodge the shots.

I can see your mind set is that when it comes time to value the property you want a good valuation, ergo more money down the chain and it makes sense to keep the place in relatively good order for the safety of the kids and this is commendable.

BUT

Rather than fight against the person who is preventing this happen work with it. If you can take pictures of the exterior of the house in good condition then do so and have an affidavit signed and dated referring to a witness that was there at the time. Have an affidavit for how you left the house in good condition.
You already have info about trying to maintain the place in letter form as well as access being denied by change of lock yet being given permission to enter. You might now want to think about addressing a letter that states you feel that the situation has escalated to the point you fear your presence near the house to complete required maintenance may cause adverse effect to the existing tenable relationship.

Ergo

Do nothing and claim that the property has suffered financial loss because you could not maintain it because of her attitude and that her portion of settlement should be reduced or that you be allowed to have entry to the property to bring it back up to standard at shared expense. Simply stated you have documented evidence to support yourself where she relies simply on an unsubstantiated statement of subjective fear.

Play the game even if you don't win how you expect your guilt free and have done your best for all concerned.

you are doing great womble, give her nothing to complain about and plenty for you to use at a later date.

d4e (as always) is right, none of us like where we are forced to be but that is where we are and it is up to us to make the best of it, not to react to it negatively.

the one thing that we can all tell you with authority is that over time it gets easier (prob because we adjust to it) and all those material things that we built up are nothing to our relationships that we now have with our children, it is just the initial shock and dissapointment that causes the most damage and if you can conquer this early you are better off by a mile.

I have a strong feeling that you are already well on the way to achieving this as even at this early stage of the game you ar showing sig signs of being rational, hang in mate, stay cool and this alone will shorten the time span.

Hi Womble - It might be best if you kept away from the house.
You have a very good case at the moment; her evidence is terrible, her ambit claim is a joke and her lawyer is not doing as they should! You need to keep whiter than white.
Also consider this: the friend that went around to the house with, you could hardly describe as an independent observer to any thing you did there - what is to stop your ex making allegation against you?
She changed the locks -that is your signal to back off. You do not want to give her a reason to ask for an extra 10% in a settlement.
Also - just watch the number of emails you send to her! you know where she is going with this one!
Keep your chin up lad.

Hi Womble,

Re: monteverdi's comment above, I agree about staying away from the house full stop. My parner and I have recently been through the wars with his ex wife - she tried to get a restraining order put on us, we went to court, she withdrew it (after we ended up forking out for a barrister, mind you).

We're only at the beginnning now of what I expect is going to be a lenghty process to get his consent orders updated and have now made it that the exchange of the kids has to be on neutral ground with witnesses around. Previously he had been doing all the drop offs and pickups at her house and her new husband has been making snide comments for years, looking for a fight. The intervention order thing was the last straw and we're saying no more - we don't want to be put in a position where they can claim all sorts of stuff.

I don't know if that would work for you and your situation. I still don't trust his ex wife but this new arrangement has given us a little more peace of mind while we go through with all the other legal stuff in coming months.

Hang in there. You sound like an awesome dad and your kids are so lucky to have you fighting for them.

Thanks SC and MV.

Latest update - all the paperwork is complete as the ex decided to bypass mediation and go straight to court with an ambit claim of extreme proportions! We now are in court next week, how it's come around so fast I don't know but maybe it will be a good thing to get the process that one step further along.

Access to the kids is alright, not great, but alright and I am being completely non confrontational and pleasant when we speak or on handover, she is doing the same so again I suppose that's a good thing.

Keen to hear other's experiences of court - especially when you can prove lies have been told...... anyone?

Hey womble,

It depend on what stage of proceeding you are attending, usually if mediation is refused when offered you go to the next stage which involves speaking to a court representative about child issues then another about financial issues in an attempt to work things out before appearing in court.

Mind you it has been a few years for me.

Hi Womble,

Thought you might be interested in reading my messages under BIC - Best Interests of the Child (Part 2) [2nd message] and Arrogant Public Servants._




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The bottom line is: why should the mother be dictating the terms and the father has to go through all that hassle of fighting every step of the way just to see his children?