Hello everyone, I've been reading this site for some months and have found some of it extremely helpful.
In brief - I'm seperated, two young boys. I've moved out and live in a unit close by. Get some access but not much. Lawyers involved as the ex refused the collaborative/mediated approach. Pay all the mortgage + bills + child support (and struggling I have to say). Expect to end up in court as ex won't negotiate or even tell me what she wants.

My current question:

Can I access the house for maintenance. Is this an issue legally?

There are no orders re the house or access as yet. I am just looking to maintain the property value. Thanks for any help/advice.

Just go there. There is nothing stopping you maintaining your own property if there are no restraining orders.

Thanks. I will just get on with it - I have emailed her to tell her that I will do it whilst she is away but won't access the house itself.

be carefull womble, you are in fact leaving yourself open to all sorts of allegations if she gets nasty.

if she is there when you go she does not want you there she can report you to the police and go for an avo

if she is not there and you go and she finds out she can claim a break in etc and get an avo.

this is all if she is nasty, you are bthe best judge of that but i thought my ex would never do things like that and guess what ?.

just be carefull and if you must go take a credible witness at least.

cheers

Ok, now I'm a bit more worried. If I am still paying all the mortgage and bills does this give me no rights to access our property (it's in joint names)?
As to a credible witness, I have tried very hard to not involve people in taking sides (wish this was recipricated by the X!) so would find that a bit hard.

As to an AVO - what grounds would she have if I am letting her know in advance that I am coming round and am not accessing the house itself?

Thanks.

Hey Womble123

You may find it comes under the tenancy act.

Roughly speaking that is, because it could include more stipulations being a family law matter.

If she doesn't respond to your letter and give you permission she could well claim that a lack of response due to a 100 reasons and claim that you encrouched on her home and that she fears you may well again. Therefore fears contact at her home.

What Aussie is suggesting is to cover your back, things in seperation can go from amicable to war in a hare's breath and you are best to always look after number one than risk conflict.
Aussie also states as many hers will that " You are the best judge of that ".

The credible witness will give credence to your actions and will be able to be called as a witness or for an affridavit if neccessary.

If she is avoiding your attempts to have the problem solved or it's simply the case of it has no importance to her is irrelevant as it can soon turn into you invaiding her privacy if that is what she wants it to be.

There are many things that I personally would have done differently in hind sight so one way of helping others is to express possible outcomes for themself by what happend to me even though the situation may be different it doesn't hurt to consider how other experiances may relate to you and if they have value to you.

My X tried many underhanded things fortunate I didn't fall for too many btu I did for some.

Hope this helps explain a little.

All the best D4E

Hi again,

So I'm not allowed to access my home? Really not sure on the rules and don't want to risk anything untoward. The X is not being rational on any number of things so anything could result....

Appreciate the points being made - just really looking to maintain the value of our property so when it's sold we both benefit as much as possible.

The way I understand it is that it does not matter who is paying what, if she is in residence she has the tenancy law protecting her with property maintinance and entry as she is residing in the property. Each state has tenancy laws and they may be different in some way.

Search for tenancy laws on net for your state and have a quick skim through.

If she does not give you permission to do the work and you do it then she can take out an order to suit her needs and she would have grounds to do so.

If you start doing the work and she is there or see's you she can call the police and have you removed and again have grounds for an order that suits her pourpose.

If you have a case in front of the court or are looking at mediation then raise the point there and have the issue accounted for by requesting permission to enter the property so many days after written notification is given as per the tenancy act of your state.

Self pressevation it's called.

Not everyone realises that tenancy can be used when they are residing in a property. The first thing I did when the X moved out was change the locks. I even went to the extreme of finding out from the police what trespas was, and how to deal with it.

in summary ... if you can't get her permission/consent don't do it and even if you do get her consent get it formally and still take a witness, you are now in a world so differentt than what you are acustomed to in the past and it calls for extreme caution in every move.

solicitors love working with this stuff and judges hand out avo's easily, too easily.

mate, is the fence really worth it because in reality you will only loose a percentage of what will be lost in value if you don't do the repairs but you may loose a lot more if you do so without her consent and it hits the fan.

Thanks Aussie, I have taken the advice you all seem to agree on and will just leave the fence be.

Just would add fuel to the fire I suspect. If only she would have agreed to the Collaborative Family Law route I suggested from day one.

Not sure where litigation benefits her, it's just going to cost us both a lot of money out of a fairly limited asset pool. The hardest and latest thing is she has just emailed my parents to say they aren't welcome to call to speak to their grandkids (or the toddler anyway as he knows who they are) anymore. Just upsets my folks a lot and as I don't have the kids at times when it is appropriate to call) it's going to be hard to maintain that contact too.

Sorry to be off topic, I'm just venting a little.

Hey Womble123,

The kids are young just yet, by the time they can understand better the realationship between themselves and their grandparents things may well have changed.

At this point you may have guessed that there is no logic applied to seperation and any atempt for you to impose the logic that a peaceful logical divission of funds will be most likely seem as an attempt to hide hidden wealth or infact to cheat her out of her " just " entitlement of the asset pool. Where the idea of the more you spend the more you get comes from I don't know but at the end of the day she only buying the privalage of being selfish at a cost to the children. But if thats what she needs to do you need to start playing the game and learning the rules.

Sometimes you may have to alter your way of thinking to accomidate your parents and although personal contact is best you can be part of devoloping the relationship with visual stimulants when you have them, Photo's on fridges at their level and reading e-mails to them from their grands as well as letting the grands know what the kids reaction to photo's and e-mails where. I know some friends send my daughter e-mails with animal pictures or such and she loves it, because they are for her I tell her who sent them and we look at them together.

You can even leave voice messages with yahoo messenger or other such communication tools.

There will always be ways arround things just sometimes it takes a little more work.

Best of luck

Hey womble

If you are paying the mortgage

Why isnt she paying you rent.....???

Yes she has rights but so do you bud

If she doesnt want to pay rent at the market rate then she has to go halvies in the mortgage at the very least

If she doesnt want to comply tell her that you wont be paying the mortgage anymore - The bank will force her instead..............Bloody freeloaders.....!!!!!!

EDIT How the hell I'm going to pay the lawyer I don't know - hopefully he's willing to wait for the final settlement....

Next step is to also deduct the bills I suppose but as we are only meant to get a max deduction in child support for rent/bills/mortgage etc I don't know what will happen with that.

Two weeks since my lawyer and I wrote to her/her lawyer (I draft the letter, my lawyer refines and sends it - reduces some of the cost!) asking for them to respond to my settlement offer of 50:50 and to attend formal mediation (something she has consistently refused to consider) or we will be forced to lodge with the courts for both joint custody and a mandated settlement on the grounds that she refuses to negotiate anything at all. Ideas anyone??

It can bea game of patience womble 123,

Be careful that your deduction have aproval, I'm not hot on C$A so the finer points miss me but always be cautious that it is allowable or you be be held up for debts from not paying the full amount.
All you who are well versed here should be able to provide better advice.

The fact that you are not recieving an answer may well be frustrating but is quite possibly part of the plan to increase conflict.
Allowing for the fact of a week with lawyer then a letter to her, time for her to respond to lawyer then her lawyer to write to your lawyer who will write to you.

Then if the answer is no you have two choices proceed or wait awhile to see what happens.

Then you put your application for final orders in to the court and follow the process.

Lets face it if she is on easy street right now I doubt she would be in a hurry to change that.

Either way you will be attempting mediation before court.

You may wish to approach your mortgage institute and request that you pay interest only on the mortgage because of the financial situation, this may help you financially and as it is a short term situaton they may be helpfull, if you never ask you never get.

Vent here when you need to but try and adapt patience with the lawyers and paperwork otherwise you may well make yourself sick and anxiouse.

Best of luck

One of the biggest challenges in a break up is sensibilty.

From the guys point of veiw he mostly (not always) feels that he'll do the righty by his family - she'll live in the house so that the kids have a roof etc. He'll pay this and that. Then comes the family law court.

The FLC doesnt care about feelings or emotions when splitting assets its veiwed as a financial transaction.

But the husband may not have proof of money transactions, help that he gives the ex etc then 9/10 times he gets screwed - But the ball from left field comes from the ex - When the division of assets comes along mate she will look after herself only - she'll even use the kids as a excuse to get more.

It doesnt matter how long you were married - or how well you think you know her - By the end of this you'll find out how little you did know her.

Take the advice here make sure you have documentation for absolutely everything - and make sure she pays her fair share...............if you don't do it at your own perril.........Nobody remembers the best sucker in the divorce..........They only remember how much the trogg got........