Hi all,

I'm new here... very glad to have found a site like this. I don't have anyone I know IRL who understands what its like to be partnered to and have children with a man who has had a first family.

I’m hoping someone has some advice on a problem I’m facing at the moment.

Here’s the background:

We have two small children. Before our second child was born late last year, I was a contract worker who had her contract terminated when 8 months pregnant. This threw us into financial turmoil, as you can imagine, because it’s really hard to find a new job when you’re that pregnant and about to require a few months off! Unfortunately due to a combination of having to look for work over the Christmas/New Year period and then becoming very ill and needing to have an operation, I was out of paid employment for 6 months altogether.

To keep a roof over our heads, make our mortgage payments, and pay the bills etc, my husband changed shifts to get penalties, cashed in two weeks of annual leave and did some freelance work. I’m about to do our tax returns for this year and noticed all this has meant he earned about $12K more than last financial year.


My husband pays his ex-wife for two kids. She doesn’t work – stays at home all day with her new baby in the house her new husband owns (who she cheated with while she was still married to my husband) and gets FTB that we’re not entitled to.

I’m working again – full time because we need to try and make up for those 6 months I was out of work.

I did some calculations and determined that his child support will go up by almost $200 per month when I lodge the tax return. We simply cannot afford this as we are living pay-cheque to pay-cheque trying to make ends meet as it is because my time out of the workforce took an enormous toll. This was money that was for the SECOND family and he never would have earned it if he didn’t need it for us.

I'm also terrified that in future they will set this as some sort of bullsh*t "capacity to earn" benchmark if he doesn't make that amount of money again (which he won't because he won't be cashing in leave or doing freelance work).

I looked at the C$A website and it looked like we would qualify for the “Reason 10” change of assessment to have that extra $12K exempted. Seemed pretty straightforward – it said you need to show payslips, a letter from the employer, etc.

Upon contacting the C$A we’ve learned it is more involved than this. We need to show all our joint bank account statements, superannuation information, mortgage info etc etc for the ex wife to inspect. And by “our” that includes all of MINE! I don’t mind showing it to an impartial third party who can make a decision, but strongly object to it being seen by the ex wife as my finances are none of her business. And naturally we don’t get to access all of the same financial details about the ex and her husband.

The outcome, even if we *do* violate my privacy, is to potentially have her go "I don't accept that - make him pay me the extra $200 a month that I wasn't previously getting".

I’m partly venting here because I am just sick of this whole situation and sick of working hard and slogging my guts out a (and seeing my husband work himself ragged) and hardly seeing my two beautiful children just to get nowhere and barely keep our heads above water while she is able to sit back and reap the spoils of our work through both the C$A he pays and the benefits she gets from tax that we pay as contributing members of society and she does not. I have to work to provide for MY children - why isn't she expected to make financial contributions to the upkeep of HERS? And that's not even mentioning just how sick I am of her and her mindgames and all the stuff she pulls with the kids (the usual story you guys hear all the time on here).

I know there are changes that come in on July 1, but we really need relief NOW.

I’m also wondering if anyone else has been in this situation of having to show stuff to the ex or if anyone has found a way to prevent her actually getting to see it?

Thank you if you made it this far.

Hi second (and I'm sure you aren't!), I don't have anything meaningful to add but just hope it is one that the CSA might see sense with. My (very) new g/f reads the site and finds some of it very helpful, hope it proves so for you.

From a purely personal opinion, I think his ex should have no right whatsoever to peruse your personal finances - and the capacity to earn side of things should only every be considered by the CSA when someone really drops in earnings (and an investigation shows no good reason why)!

Hopefully some one here has some solid advice for you soon.

In our case, when the payee's income went up net $17,000 one financial year, she immediately submitted a new estimate of income to CSA to justify why she wouldn't be earning that amount the following year.

They accepted her estimate. We spoke to the investigator (for other matters) at the time, she said they deemed the extra funds a "once off"...

So One would assume at least if it works for a Payee, then it should work for the Payer shouldn't it.?

Do try though.

God, just reading your post scared the life out of me. I was just wondering if you have looked at other ways of salary sacrificing your husband's income in to mortgage repayments or talked to an accountant to find out ways of minimizing his assessable income? We are currently struggling with CSA whilst trying to move on with our lives (get married, start a family, travel etc) and are looking for any legal way to make the system fairer.
Congratulations on your new baby and I am just sorry you are having to deal with this crap whilst you should be enjoying your family.

Salary packaging is not an option with my husband's employer - we tried to salary package a car. And then I found out that the C$A is supposedly going to crack down on this (don't know if anyone can confirm?) so men who try to get out of paying child support on their entire income will have their assessments still based on what they would have made before packaging. Or something like that.

I think we're going to have to bite the bullet and apply for the change of assessment and go through the whole process (and probably get rejected because we're just scumbags in the eyes of the C$A who are trying to deprive the unemployed ex-wife of money to spend renovating her house and going on overseas trips with).

If she really wants that extra money badly enough - that never would have been earned if *I* hadn't had a baby - she can bring it on.

I'm not going to take this lying down. If we're rejected I think we will appeal to the Social Security Appeals Tribunal. I'm mad as hell and I've just had enough of playing nice - I'm going to fight back as hard as I can because I'm sick of MY family being kicked around by a system that favours HERS.

That is so cool
secondclass

Take it to it's end there is nothing to lose because they'll take it any way but heaps to gain if it goes in your favor.

Best of luck with your fight

Thanks D4E. At the very least I think it will clear the air somewhat. I'm sick of smiling sweetly and biting my tongue around her. If we end up appealing then all my cards are on the table. Even if we don't win she will finally know that I think she is an evil money-grabbing leech.

I think the other thing secondclass is that you will know exactly where you stand, add this with standing up and being counted will in the end give you a sense of achievement.

I reckon one of the biggest problems is that many of the " Parents " receiving CSA are not accountable for how the money is spent and consider it part of their income, so when they go to battle it's not with the kids in mind but the children are just leverage.

Best of luck.

D4E you hit the nail on the head. That's one of my biggest gripes about the whole thing. I accept that my husband has a duty to provide for his other children, but I also think that the ex-wife should also have a duty to kick in some money for them too. They should be BOTH parents' responsibility. She' does'nt work so she can "be at home with her new baby", remarried, and her only income source is the 27% of my husband's pre-tax salary that she gets each year so its like pocket money for her.

The kids always come to us in a state where they have shoes that are a size too big that they trip over, clothes that are too small or not warm enough for the weather, the most uneven haircuts in the world because she cuts their hair herself to "save money". And they tell us the most bizarre things like "We don't eat fruit at home because mummy is too busy to go to the market to buy it."

Meanwhile this woman seriously has renovated her house - put in a brand new kitchen and bathroom and landscaped her bathroom AND gone overseas (without her new husband) and I can't help but suspect the child support money is funding her lifestyle.

Why is it to much to ask that there be accountability and checks and balances in the system? Why don't they have to account for where they spend this money?

Spot on secondclass, I second that as well.

Basically from our experience, it really isn't about the child/ren at all, whatever anyone in politics would like to think.

If it was, CS wouldn't be about formulas and sums. It would be about what actually makes it to the child, with the Payee having to show each year how they have covered their own costs and half share of the child's costs, before child support or family assistance is paid.....and that they are not deliberately reducing their own incomes to avoid CS assessments.

I cannot understand why the pressure is always on Payer's to justify themselves.....

Thats easy 2ndfamily, always go for the soft target.

Hi everyone, I have a wonderful new husband, who is also struggling to regain his new life and move on.
But the CS here are destroying his and my life with beauracratic rubbish.
After raising my own children for 27 years all good there
and my husband has 3 = 5 between us. we have now got it down to one child we pay for. which is fine and we never miss a payment. we rent our house, we are in our early 50's we work, and always have one of 5 kids wanting something at one time or another. As parents we try to help all our children at one time or another.

All of a sudden CS have obtained all of my information without my permission and sent it all to his ex as well for all to see thankyou very much.
Been a very private person I am totally disgusted that goverment departments can just obtain personal bank details, business and other details and what ever else at will.
The children are not mine, my husband and I have always looked after our own, his ex works full time has another man and new baby why should we pay for her life style,

The CS have taken my husbands work and worked out figures of all workers in that field and based it on average of every worker in Aus.
hence his payments have gone up 500 dollars a month. HELLO
do you believe this he has one kidney and not a very well year last year, but drags his butt anyway.

So they (CS) are no longer working on your taxable income, but on every bodies overalll wage. This is not right. NOt everybody works the same hours
Every body is saying the new laws will be good. IM SORRY TO SAY THERE WILL BE MORE MENS LIVES LOST, TORN APART, and shattered.

I have already lost a brothe tor suicide because of goverment departments,
I do not intend to loose my wonderful husband as well.
Thankyou for listening
Loving wife

Hi and welcome nothappyjan

You have every right to have them show you how they take an average of a person's wage and produce the figures they have.
They are there to SERVE YOU, not for them to dominate the issue. You may not get the view from many of the ill-mannered 'servants' of a humane society, yet you need to stand your ground. Put it in writing and give THEM the homework to do, register the letter and even have your letters signed by a JP.

Of course we don't call them Public Servants these days, yet that doesn't change the fact that they are...to be

Quote:

The CS have taken my husbands work and worked out figures of all workers in that field and based it on average of every worker in Aus. hence his payments have gone up 500 dollars a month. HELLO

Gone up by exactly $500....for 1 child per month ??? What was it prior?

So they (CS) are no longer working on your taxable income, but on every bodies over-alll wage.

I take it that I.....having been shocked beyond belief , need to say to you is this the CSA THE CHILD SUPPORT AGENCY..YOU ARE SPEAKING OF...JUST TO CLARIFY BEFORE GOING FURTHER

Quote:

The children are not mine, my husband and I have always looked after our own, his ex works full time has another man and new baby why should we pay for her life style,

HE ,...YOUR HUSBAND IS TO BE LOVINGLY CARING FOR HIS CHILD, NO MATTER IF THEY ARE MILLIONAIRES. I'm sure he agrees with this , yet the payment seems absurd in the least.

I would indeed be 'crashed off' also by this way of dealing with your own private details.
I need others to help address this in it's entirety until I can look through this further.
I am deeply saddened and speak with much empathy for the loss of one so close to your heart, it is devastating , it is the reason we are here with you.

My best regards
Colin S

The CSA also allows for an immediate reassessment if your taxable income drops 15% or more from that previously assessed. If your husband's extra earnings were indeed a one off and he now earns back what he used to, and if this is 15% or more less than what the group certificate says, then you can get the payments dropped right away.

My guy's dropped by around 40% and right away he was reassessed down some $600 a month less.

Another thing - it is worth spending a few hundred dollars on a good accountant who can educate you on all the legal avoidance possibilities. Tax avoidance is legal if done in the manner allowed for and there might be some additional deductions your H can claim if you were out of work for part of the year.

While salary packaging might be caught by the CSA I do believe that things like a company car and so forth cannot be got at. If this is an option then maybe discuss this with the employer.

Oh and while this is a very emotional issue for you, think rationally and act independently of your dislike of the system and the exW. You do need to be really clever to beat them, but it can work!