G'day this obviously is my first time posting and first time here, and from the look of things after looking around this looks like a great place to ask any questions that I may have. Well here goes nothing (sighs)

(Her Story)
Last year just couple weeks before x-mas my partner left me and took our daughter (while I was at work), she ended up moving 45mins away from where I currently live (where we lived before she left) to her fathers place.
We worked out a few things that I can have my daugheter on weekends (to which I wasn't excatly happy about)
After awhile she moved back into this town so I could be closer to my daughter (now only 5mins away). She ended up moving in an old flat complex type of thing a 1 bedroom flat, not much of a backyard except for the creek (which I don't like as its not fenced) the whole front is cemented and constant cars going in and out and along with that snakes like to pay visits to the flats and enter.
I may not like the place too much as I am worried about my childs safety.
She also works at the local BP station as a floater (console & kitchen) and has shifts all over the place.

(My Story)
I live with a family member rent free (my grandmother) in a 3 bedroom house, nice big backyard etc etc I'm sure you can see the picture.
My gran and I have a good live arangment where we share the bills and help each other out when needed. Main reason why I am still living here is because the rent in this area is argh way too high (current cheapest place to rent is around $300 a week).
I also work part time at a internet and gaming cafe to which is pretty casual laid back job also the boss has allowed me to bring my daughter to work if needs be. On top of that I also get centerlink forenightly payments. (My ex earns more then myself)

(Both Stories)
Currently as you already can tell I have my daughter on weekends Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon on top of this I also have my daughter during the week depending on my ex's shifts at her work. If there she gets a shift during the week that conflicts with one of my shifts I generally have to get a babysitter for my daughter which generally is my gran or I take her to work with me. (So I generally have my daughter more then what my ex does)
At my ex's place my daughter and her share the same bedroom, here she has her own room. Also while my daughter is at her mothers place (flat complex) my daughter generally runs off down to other flats and hangs there with other ppl (I find this unsafe and my ex doesn't excatly keep an eye on her it feels to me).
We have different displine styles and we conflict alot with that, when I have my daughter on the first day on the weekend she is generally running wild and free and feels she can do whatever she wants and when she wents, this generally takes me a day to break and get her right (asking for things, using her manners)
I've tried to explain to her about all this but we just conflict and feels like she doesn't give a rat ass about what I think or feel.
After she left me I tired to sort things out between us and even made appointments for releationship councilling to which she kept refusing.

Btw we were young when our daughter was born myself 21 my ex 18 so she kinda missed out the party life, to which now also appears she is living even while she has our daughter considering the ppl the come around to her place like to drink and smoke (pot) the general bums if ya know what I mean.

And today I found out she is seening this bloke who I don't like very much I find him untrust worthy. I know its prob just me being jealous etc but not so long ago he ditched he's ex who had her own kids kicked them outta the flat and left them to wonder the street at night alone (how can I trust a man like that with my daughter?)

Anway I'm just rambling on and on as I don't excatly have any here to talk to (I don't wish for my family be to caught up in this mess).
btw: there is no legal paper saying how we have this worked out as its just an agreement we made together.

Questions:
If my daughter is under my roof do I hold full custody of her?
Do I have a say on who goes near my daughter while she is with my ex?
Would I stand a chance at winning custody at all?
And what goes on with a custoday battle?

Thank you for listening and sorry if I rambled on little too much.

Hi MindConfusion,

Unfortunatly like most here a comprimised needs to be sort and most of it is about how you deal with what goes on in your daughters life and what you give her, because there is no real rules to how to bring up a child and the legal side only comes into sight with physical or sexual abuse there is little that can be done to make your childs other parent consuct herself how most would concieve as " a good parent ".

Most the trick is to change what you can and get use to what you can't and unless there is something that will damage her physicaly or mentaly you need to just talk to other ( post here ) what the main concerns are like you have done.

The system realises that both parents are esential of course this means that dad's now have a better chance of getting more time with the kids but also means that it's the same for mums, so full custody is doubtful unless she does something drastic to effect things.

If she in under your roof you have full care which means that you are responsible for her but of course the other parent does have a say but reality is it can cause heaps of conflict and perhaps loss of contact so be careful.

It's not so much as a custody battle as a battle for contact, most who go through it are at a point where there is no other alternate it is not pretty and effects the children heaps.

At the start it really is hard but it does get better over time so hang in there keep being dad and keep your enviroment the same along with rules and your daughter will adapt quicker every time she comes, kids are very resiliant and easily adjust to the two enviroments given a chance.

As far as trusting the guy well if you find out how let me know. It would be better to trust that your X would let nothing happen to your daughter in her care, in the mean time work on building a relationship of trust with your daughter so she will discuss things with you.

Hope this helps a little and welcome to the forum

Welcome to Dids and sorry to hear about your situation. It is only natural to worry about your daughter's safety when she is away from you but most parents feel that way and learn to deal with it. You can't be there all the time and that's just reality.

How old is your daughter? It sounds like she is only young and you have good access to her so far, I would be very careful about jeopardising that or compromising the situation for yourself in the future. You have a situation many men around here would dream of, don't lose sight of that.

It seems you have a friendly and flexible arrangement without any lawyers being involved and that is a little unusual these days. You are one of the lucky ones. (even though it mightn't feel that way to you!)

Your ex's new partner is nothing to do with you and you can't control her or your daughter in that regard. Most mothers love and protect their children. I don't think you have any evidence to think your ex is any different. The bloke has kids of his own and hopefully has more of a clue than some men without kids of their own. That's her business anyway. Where your daughter sleeps at her mum's is irrelevant when she is so young. Kids sleep anywhere.

I would concentrate on building your relationship with your daughter and keeping things friendly with the ex. As long as she is happy for you to share the care, it can't get any better than that without giving lawyers a lot of money and things going fairly nasty. You have it good now, appreciate that and make the most of it!

all the best, and God bless your grandmother!

We were in a situation like this for a while and the child spent way more time with me and sometimes the ex would take off for days and wouldnt know where she was. Out of the blue she went to legal aid lawyer and wanted me to only see the child every second weekend. My own lawyer didnt really believe me when I told them how bad a mother she was and it was our words against hers and she is a great liar. Lawyer said we prob wouldnt get shared care .
At mediation i did talk her into it in the end because reallly she didnt want to have the child full time.

I would suggest diarising everything writing down every visit and contact.
and keep receipts of any payments to the mum etc..

good luck