Hello all.

I have been introduced to this site by my new partner who is a regular on the forum of DIDS. He has shown me many different stories that involve many different problems. All of which seem to get answered quickly with advice or at least understanding and support from just having someone listen.

Recently I have started going through the different posts and noticed a lot of women are just awful people, some of whom don’t deserve to be parents and should be charged with child abuse at the very least.

Well here’s my story, it’s not wrought with problems but it shows single parents and recently separated that it’s not always hard, but when it is your accomplishments mean all the more.

I had an easy going childhood only knowing my parents as they were (constant conflict and tension)they got divorced, I left school at year 9, got pregnant to my then boyfriend who I thought would be my one true love as you do when your 15. I made the decision to keep the baby and we moved in together after a few hiccups, like me being told I can’t have the baby under my mother’s roof, packing my belongings in a tanty and finding someplace warm and reasonably safe to sleep in the city. Bla bla bla.

I eventually came back and moved in with my boyfriend and started a house and home with him. Our son was born. Constantly sick back and forth to the hospital with him, I soon grew up fast from being an immature teen to a mum. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn’t and I soon realized I was resenting him being around, wanting to party and go out with his friends every night, so instead of staying with him until I hated him I told him it was over when our son was 9 months old and he moved back to his mothers. Since then I’ve raised him on my own as his father is still the same person he always has been.

I have always made sure he had as much time as possible with our son to the point where he’d come home from work straight to my home. I would busy myself with housework or even go next door for a chat and leave them to it. He would only leave after we put our son to bed.
From the word go he voluntarily stated he would give me $200 a month to help with our sons upbringing and has done so without fail except when he has been out of work when I have told him not to as he couldn’t afford that and living expenses. Only this month I have contacted CSA to get them to deal with it as he has stopped paying since he got married. My now partner prompting me, saying I’d been to good to him for too long anyway, and I shouldn’t be putting myself in so much debt trying to cover the normal living expenses.

11 years I’ve been on my own in that time I’ve had a few different jobs and bad relationships but raising my son the best I can has been the only thing that has kept me going at times when it’s all seemed a bit too hard and I wanted to just give up. Sitting there at night when I’d put my son to bed has always been the worst. Not having anyone to talk to except my boy was somewhat frustrating to say the least. My partner and a few others seem to think I drink tooo much at times. A nasty habit of drowning a couple of cans before bed in my misery I think.
But not anymore, I’ve found a man I love and loves me just as much in return even if he tends to hold back a bit at times and has a bad habit of questioning everything I do and trying to read between the lines waiting for me to let him down. A problem that will just take time, patience and a little understanding from me to fix I believe.
My son respects and admires him already which is no mean feat believe me. All those bad relationships he’s witnessed and been a part of, has given him an attitude of; people have to prove themselves worthy before he thinks of them. My partner finds it hard to deal with our relationship, having raised his own children in a family not having to deal with the ups and downs my son and I have.

Mothers take heed!
How you deal with a breakup and divorce you can get over, your children may not. So play fair and always put them 1st no matter how hard. I was sometimes selfish and my sons was the shoulder I cried on.

Good on you for putting your child first, and i certainly agree not all mums are bad by any means. My mum was a single parent, and she did a magnificent job.

Hey DCNP, welcome to the forum.

I addressed students at my school the other day regarding divorce and trying to shed some light on the subject to them about the decisions that are faced by those separated from their partners. One thing I tried to hammer home, was that despite each parent having their own (often seemingly selfish) responses to difficult situations... we do what we can and we usually try to do what we think is right at the time.

I think being part of gen X I am very aware of the want to blame the previous generation for our own shortcomings, but with time and maturity most eventually realise that if they had personally acted differently, the outcome may have been much different.

The term "Bad" particularly when used in conjunction with parenting is such a subjective term. We all have our personal gripes when it comes to raising kids and often times, those things that we never wanted for our kids... are often the things that our former partners seem to always expose them to. And to further rub salt in the wound, once they are no longer under a watchful eye, they will often delight in carrying on with this behaviour knowing that it annoys you. To help get past some of these problems I always tell my Girls that they are in the best position because they can choose to be the kind of person they want to be.

Can I say well done, It sounds like you've gone through some of the best that life could throw at you... and can I also say a big thankyou for your message to mums, and that I admire your honesty in this situation.