I live about 1.5 hour drive away from my 9 month old daughter. Ideally I’d like to have her 50% of the time (week on, week off), however my ex tells me that wouldn’t be good for her as she would eventually (when my ex goes back to work) be going to two different child care centres. I’ve also asked my ex to let me have her every weekend while she isn’t working (I currently have her every second weekend), she has agreed to that a few times now then changed her mind. Today she called and told me I couldn’t see her until we have a parenting plan in place, so I’m am about to go to a lawyer tomorrow to try and get that done as soon as possible and to also find out what my rights are.

Ultimately I want to do what is best for my daughter but I’m struggling find someone (other than my ex) who can tell me what that is. I believe I am a good dad and will be a positive influence in her life, however I don’t want to push for her to stay with me more then find out that’s not the best thing for her. So can anyone give me some advice if they have been in a similar situation? E.g. having a young child that is in 50/50 care and going to separate child care centres.

Is there a professional body I can speak to that will give me advice on what is the best thing for my daughter?

You can contact various government department and speak to social workers as well as helplines. But I don't know of any official body.

Personally I think for the age of your child you will run into a few problems obtaining 50/50 unless it was approached in staggered format but then distance plays a part as well.

Most the research that comes out of the U.S. points towards lots of short visits in the early years with perhaps one or two overnight stays, as the child progresses then time is increased more less days longer stays increased overnight.

The major consideration is the time factor and travel. In saying this my personal situation saw my X abscond with the children and the love interest 3 hours away from Area. Before leaving we made arrangements that I would have 9 days and nights and she would have 12, this was when my daughter was just over 3 and it worked fairly well apart from the usual problems caused by the X. We met half way.

There will be many questions that will no doubt need pre-answering just in case, so don't be in a hurry and have a well thought out parenting plan.

So ask away and we'll see if we can point you in the right direction.

Make sure you also file for interim orders.

I started the whole process over a year ago now, and am about to go to pre-trial hearing next month.

We however agreed on a new plan during mediation (which I wasn't too pleased with) and then when I filed court forms we came to an interim agreement.

Personally my ex wants to move 2 hours away from where we live now. She wants custody and for me to have her every second weekend (currently I have her 6 nights a fortnight). For me if the court awards her custody I would ask for the orders to be that I have my daughter (5) every school holidays and if I give her X days notice on weekends. The impact of having to do the commute every second weekend, and taking her away from her friends, sports teams seems to unfair on her. I also have a new family and don't want to be doing that every second weekend.

hey dad first,

how did you end up going? i am in a similar situation but my daughter is 2 weeks old, I want to have as much contact as possible to establish a bond?

I'm only living 10 mins away from the mother at the moment which is easier.

what was the outcome of your situation?

I must warn all fathers having hope that their ex partner will respect any shared parenting situation as this is not the case. First of all, many mothers will gradually see the child as theirs. their own object and possession. Just like the house of whatever possessions you used to share.
Any excuse will do such as the typical "It's not good for her" etc...
After 3 years of separation, I am finally seeking counselling in order to obtain eventually a court order that will allow me to see my daughter more than 24 hours in one go. Until now, she has not respected ever any of the arrangements we made. My weakness has been to be flexible and "arranging" and throughout this time I have been taken advantage of. So be strong, assertive and don't let go one bit.
From reading a few posts here and there, I can tell you that my ex suffers some kind of BPD, which means that she is extremely controlling and violent at times.
DO NOT BELIEVE THINGS WILL GET BETTER AND THAT YOU CAN TRUST HER TO RESPECT WHAT EVER HAS BEEN AGREED. SHE WILL NOT AND YOU AND YOUR CHILD WILL SUFFER.

I am sorry that maybe I did not understand the situation that well. My little girl just told me that she d rather stay with her mum. What can you do? It's hard enough to be separated, that I don't want to inflict on the child further stress by forcing her to be with me.
Truth is that the mum organizes many activities on my time and she 'll disrupt any activity that my daughter and I like doing together. She will constantly interfere with the two of us.
I feel it's a constant battle when things could be so much simpler, with a bit of love, understanding and compassion. Instead, it's constant leveraging and bargaining. Nothing is ever straight forward and I have to watch for any of the mum's request not to imply another condition or consequence. I just can't take it any more.
Best wishes to you and your new arrangements

If you haven't yet, take the mum to mediation. Get her involved in a parenting plan process.

They really drive home the fact that this is about the kids and to get over yourself. if you get something on paper - that you have had some say in - you may feel a little more empowered.

There is a fine line between being accomodating and being used and rail-roaded. yOu have to stand up for yourself and I found that to be easier when I knew my rights.

I'd still fight to see my child. Kids can say things that they may not mean - or realise exactly what they are saying. What's the other alternative - just give up and have your daughter think that you don't care? Who cares if it pisses off the mother?