My husband got me to find out what that is about. He told me about that web side as I found out a little bit already from family law web guide. His ex wife actually asked for mediation. As we haven't heard about it before, we ignored it, as she changes her mind every time. Until the nice people from family law web guide told me that it might be a good idea to do that. So I am here to find out about it. Just a quick overview about our case. My husband has 2 kids and us seperated since 3-4 years. She moved 700ks away 3 years ago and took the kids aswell. Back then she agreed with helping him to keep contact. That never happened. Back then his company paid for him to visit for some reason. After that stopped he had to pay. As she had a new bf and we got married both agreed the kids flying to be with us once a month for 4 days + half of the school holidays. It cost us about 500 per month. She enroled them into a privat school he never agreed on. He helped her with all bills though before he had to pay flights and built up an own future. As he had nothing exept a bed. The feed increased to 600. He told her to put them in public if they can't effort it, as he never wanted them on this school. Well she has to pay that. There is also a loan included for things she kept. He tool 2/3 of the loan into his name. She took 1/3. To help her. He is also paying 1000 in cs. She should get 1200 through csa. But they don't have a csa case, just privat agreement. So instead of 1200, he pays 1000 + flights + 15000 loan (her stuff). He also had to take an own loan as we needed furniture and a crappy car of all up 15000 aswell, he also pays 700 per month for his uni as he is in a position he normally wouldn't be as he finished uni next year. We are also planing on a baby for next year. He earns 130k but after rent and all this we have less then 1000 left to support us and a baby on his wage. Anyway it's ok. But as he stopped paying for every little thing she needs she got angry. She doesn't want the kids to fly to us, he has to fly up staying at her house. That he won't do as they don't get along. Hotel would be more dear aswell. Well he has 80 nights a year, she wants him now to jave 50, to get 400 more per month. She also wants half of the school fees paid and the whole 1200. She said she wants to go through mediation a while ago saying he should see what he should pay. If he pays all this we are left with 500. She earns 55k. She uses the kids as a weapon to get more money. She finds silly excuses and even takes them to the psycologist to make him feel bad. So my questions: does it make sense to go through mediaton in this case as he won't agree to pay anymore. She lives far away bit she intended to go at first place. Does she has to travel? Do they just hear the parents? Does anyone have expueriences? How should we prepare? What are the chances?can they make an order he doesn't agree with? Do they factor all this in? Ad I know csa doesn't. What happens after that? Do thru set times for visiting? As it depends on the prices of the flights a lot for us. Thanks so much

Smids,

It's hard to know exactly what you do have in place other than a private agreement in relation to C$A payments.

My understanding (but you should check with the CSA folks) is that while ever there is a private agreement in place, then it can't change, but some agreements can be broken by one or either party - not sure about your agreement.

It sounds as though you do not have any formal orders in place in relation to the children of your husband's former marriage, nor orders in relation to any property settlement, if this is the case, I strongly suggest you get it sorted out or his X will be a ball and chain for a lot longer than she should be (and it sounds as though that is the case already)

If your husband's X is using the kids as a weapon to obtain $$, then I suggest you contact relationships australia or some other organisation to commence mediation, firstly in relation to access for the children to see their father, and secondly to sort out the property issues. Make sure you sort out the children's issues before dealing with $ - the kids must have unfetted access to both parents unless there is a very good reason (such as concerns for their welfare etc which you have not mentioned so should not be an issue).

As for private school fees, the CSA can not force your husband to pay school fees on top of CSA payments (and nor the courts for that matter as far as I am aware).

Hope these few ramblings are helpful - I suggest you make a few phone calls to the CSA and the relevant counselling agencies to find out what your options are.

Try to avoid formal legal action as far as possible, I can assure you the only winners are the lawyers (including the good ones. . . )

Sorry I didn't provide enough information. There is no property involved. They used to have a loan for furnitures and a car. One loan. He took more then half of the loan in his name and she took the rest in her name after seperation. that loan includes the car she kept. The car did cost 30000. He pays about 15000 grand 200 monthly to pay it off. The furnitures were about the same but he doesn't care about that. He is fine with paying the loan as they privatly agreed to 1000k cs per month. He also pays full travel costs. So all up with his half of the costs for travel he pays instead of 1200 csa calculated 1450. We have no csa case though. Csa told us they might include school fees as the mother would probably lie and saying he agreed. Even though she moved up there he pays all travel. She is using the kids, he doesn't pay he can't see them. She actually reckons it's not good for the children to cone and visit for their well being. She told us the psychologist said that aswell. But never was able to show us an attest. She wants him to go up there stay at her house so she gets more money as he would end up with less care. It's ovias for us but is it for the mediator? She did end up sending them down after putting it off and complaining and playing difficult so we have to book the most expensive flights. So instead of every 4 weeks it's 6 as she can't agree to any dates. As we look for the cheapest flights. Now she said it's the last time unless he agrees on supporting them more financel after mediation. She wants him to go to see what he should be paying and providing.

Smids,

You really need to go to relationships australia and initiate mediation to sort out access to the children (they will tell you what to do, guide and help you). If his X is not compliant in participating in mediation, then you will be provided with a certificate stating you have attempted mediation, and from there you have the green light to take it further with the courts.

As for the private CS agreement, under what conditions can it be broken? Sounds to me like you ought to be looking at breaking it, and paying the $1200/month, making a claim for the loan payments against that, and claiming the cost of contact to reduce the C$ if possible (talk to the CSA about excessive cost of contact)

I would suggest you keep a very detailed diary of what is going on, in particular the manipulation around the kids.

Keep phone conversations to a minimum, and make all correspondence via email as it is a written record which is admissible in evidence. Don't email anything you don't want published on the front page of the Sydney morning Herald as if you ever end up in litigation, it may bite you.

I know I said aviod legal action, but you may need to end up going there, and it is best to be prepared from day 1 in case it gets to that point.

The courts take a very dim view of parents who alienate the other parent from the children, and what you are talking about is the beginnings of this.

You have not stated whether or not you have a parenting plan or any orders in relation to the children. If you do, and the X is not following the orders, irrespective of whether they are orders which have been arrived at by agreement (consent orders) or orders made by a judge, the X will be in "contravention" of those orders, and you can take that to the court as well once the mediation avenue has been exhausted

Hope this helps