Hi,

Well the other party didn't like the fact I wouldn't change the court order holiday contact details to suit her so I'm slapped with an "invitation" to attend phone counselling which to me simply seems like "punishment". She has had two years in which to initiate mediation, refuses to communicate other than by yelling threats at change over, won't return communication books, makes absurb allegations over the phone at my new partner in front of the children, and won't even allow the children to bring their readers over on weekend contact. Some of her yelling in the at change over has consisted of things like "How dare you hit my child!" at my new partner, to constant allegations that the children don't have beds to sleep in, aren't fed, and are kept without lighting.

I believe that she really is mentally unwell, however I was shocked to find that after explaining these circumstances to the Relationship Advice Line, which I find really unpleasant, and emotionally painful I'm basically ignored and asked "Do you wish to engage in mediation or not?". There's no listening on their part, understanding, investigation, or communication just simply "plug the next lot into the process". I feel like I might as well be talking to a robot when dealing with these people. They ignore the fact that there's already a long standing order in place, and that I'm saying she is using this process to harass, the Ms X on the other end just reads the process off a card, which anyone unlucky enough to have called them must endure then says "Well you do have free-will. You don't have to do this." A comment that proves to me they have not even the most basic compassion or understanding about the court process. Becasue as we all know if you don't dance to their tune it may result in Court again or at least look unfavorable. Real "free will!". A FC litigant lives with the constant threat of a faceless organisation harming there children in the worst way possible- removing a parent from the childs life which is done to normal innocent parents routinely.

The absence of any device to establish the legitamacy of claims before launching into the court process allows paoples lives to be uprooted by cruel, angry, violent parents who use this fact to achieve there own ends. And what makes it all the worse is the so called "professionals" involved in these processes know about it but don't care, because after all, they are getting paid and seen as professionals for reading there little scripts and following there little procedures like robots. And "That's how it is" I was told. It really is a stupid system devoid of any compassion for fathers who are dealing with the most sensitive subject in their lives- the bond of child and father. Generally these "workers" treat the litigant with barely concealed contempt, and dictate from their role with air of smug and voyeuristic superiority. I really don't like these people.

I feel this description just scratches the surface of the pain I feel, and the emotionally damage I have been done by the Family Court Process. But at least it lifts the burden a little to be able to share with other Dads who are also enduring the "Giant, blind, spoilt child" that is the Family Court of Australia.

To the services credit, I did ring back and talk with a supervisor who informed me the workers are the cetre is understaffed and overworked. This may have accounted for the rudeness I perceived from the lady I initially spoke with. The supervisor did have some understanding of the processes involved and was very polite and quite warm.

Well I had my 1 hour interview. Which was basically a series of questions with "yes" or " no" answers and how would I rate various hypothetical scenarios on a scale of 1-10. I thought I would get to hear what the exes concerns are but "no" apparently the purpose of this session was just to see whether we were suitable for counselling or if the matter should go back to court. But the totally stupid thing was they didn't even give me the so called issues that in question- there aren't any at this stage! What the hell is the point of this all if there's no issues?

There's been a court order in place for two years- final orders, and they're trying to plug this back into the system!

This dispute resolution stuff is meant to occur BEFORE going to court, but my ex has found a loophole to try and get back in by doing it AFTER final orders have been made.

I feel forced to have to go along with it even though everythings reasably okay just to appease the court in case it goes back.

Shes been making accusations such as "the child isn't fed, doesn't have electricity, and cries for her constantly" while they're here all of which is just rubbish but she seems to be desperate to get back to FC- I think in some way the FC actually satisfies something in her life in some sick way?

Hi Josephk,

I have the same thing happening, trying to discredit me by blaming me for any of small health related concerns which are part of every childs growing process. I could be more specific but it is possible she now may visit this forum, maybe not but just in case.

Why the hell they can't these mothers just get on with raising the children and move on with life?!!

I have seen this practice often now as part of the ongoing "can't let go and fight process", I think they should be getting counselling but that sure won't be supported, instead what happens is us fathers are taken out of the equation by saying we aren't being cooperative and not takeing adequate care of our children, when in fact the exact opposite is happening. It is also about control, at least with my ex, she is a control freak and insists on giving me orders and making demands.

Not sure how to take the sting or heat out of the process mate, personally I keep comminication to a minimum.

Thanks for getting back cogs,

I find these mediation sessions very unpleasant and stressful. They were initiated by the mother after I wouldn't agree to operating outside of the court order which has been working adequately for the past 2 years.

Like your ex this one is used to making demands and having them met. If they're not met she will bully, lie, manipulate, threaten, balckmail, whatever, until she gets her way. So I too have a long standing policy of keeping bare minimum contact and communication with her.

When the court order was finally made two years ago (final order) she cried and sobbed because her reign of control and power was at an end. Today the child enjoys fairly standard contact times with her Dad and siblings and really enjoys themselves as they have no other kidsd to play with at their Mum's house.

Like you I'm just baffled as to why any parent couldn't just let everyone get on with their lives. Deep seated insecurities, who knows?

To go back to court after final orders have been made require some very serious concerns, I can't remember exactly what they are, but they don't restart the process lightly or so I hear? So really its tempting just to ignore this process which is really just being abused for the mothers own personal agenda.

My fear is that although there are no issues that justify going back to court she will somehow manipulate so it does go back.

Its basically harrassment through the court process, and the workers at the mediation centre seem hopelessly naive, and dogmatic in their approach.

When they discovered there were already final orders in place they sort of paused, and then said after some toing and froing with the supervisor, "That doesn't matter, mediation can still be initiated, but we recommend you seek legal advice becasue we can't give legal advice."

So at the moment I'm currently left awaiting whether or not mediation will continue or it will go back to court. These are the only two options they give. Either its resolved in mediation or it goes to court! What they fail to see is they're looping back into the whole court process after its finished. Can they do this?

I am not skilled in the legal process and can only comment on what I have learnt to date.

From what I understand the process would not actually start off where it ended particularly if final orders were set in place. In addition if these orders have been working for approx the past two years, the question will be raised (and the system will evolve around), why change what is in place?

It is difficult to change any orders if you/they can show they have been working well, and in the childs best interest. However if the next stage in the childs life has arrived, ie starting school, moving interstate etc, segments of orders are often ammended to allow the child to progress.

If mediation has failed and no one agrees to what is on the table, one party still has to initiate the court process. My advise, let her initiate the process, the more trivial it is the worse it will look for her, unless of course she abducts the children or an event as significant as this takes place, then you will viewed positively as a father in the eyes of family law in initiating the process. I would be quite reluctant to return to court unless it is absolutely necessary, if you have an armoury of legal knowledge and a deep pocket, well that's a different approach.

Thanks cogs