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men the victims

 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    AUSTRALIAN DADS FORUM - Help After Divorce and Separation Forum Index -> Domestic violence
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commandocop



Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Posts: 228
Location: NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:08 pm    Post subject: men the victims Reply with quote

ive made a lot of observations after ive come out and said yes i am a victim of domestic violence, both physical violence an dlong term psycological abuse. she even raped me a few times, not in a good way.

nobody cares though, because i am a man...

if i was a woman, who said, a my husband hit me, it be ok, for them to hate all men, for them to cry, for them to talk about it, everybody would support them and understand.

but because i am a man, nobody cares, they just tell me to get over it, like its insigificant.
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commandocop



Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Posts: 228
Location: NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

if i was a woman, who said i hated all men as i had been in a abusive marrage, it be accepted in society.

but because i am a man, who says i dont want a relationship, women think this is offencive to women.

im angry, because ive got 10 years of anger bottled up inside of me,

im resentful of women, because a woman did this to me.

im awaking from a nightmare...
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gettingupagain



Joined: 18 Apr 2010
Posts: 43
Location: Colyton nsw

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Commando Cop.

Its really the pits being a victim of intimate partner abuse. Whether you are a male or female. I think its worse for a man, because of societies expectations for us to [CENSORED] it up.

I notice you mentioned the 1 in 3org website on another page. Its a good org and the founder is doing some great work behind the scenes in this area.

I truly understand your frustrations and anger. Anger of it's self is neither good nor bad depending what you do with it.

A good question to ask of yourself is towards whom are you angry with and why?
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commandocop



Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Posts: 228
Location: NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i know im angry with my ex because of the abuse towards me... i know i shouldnt be angry with all woman, but unfortunetly, i seem to be...

i think somebody else mentioned that but i did read the post, i tend to read all the posts on here...
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Ross's daughter



Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 94
Location: Brisbane West

PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Commando, Just to let know, that there are a few females on this site, and I for one, hear your anger and your frustration.

Before I met my now husband, I did not know that there were women out there capable of what his ex has done to him (and his experience is a not as extreme as yours) and from reading this site. But then again, my own mother was a perpetrator of DV which I am only just coming to terms with after being on this earth for 49 years.

And I know of at least one little female that you don't hate, your daughter. One day, she will grow up, and become older and wiser, a woman, thanks to you.

There is so much more I want to say, but I really do not want to come across as condascending. Feel free to vent, to blast, to punch the air.

If it helps in any way, I hate short overweight pommie gits, all because of the one that I used to be married to. Oh well, them's the breaks. Oh, and I also hate long haired 5'4+ overweight (fat) women..........
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commandocop



Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Posts: 228
Location: NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah i know, thats the cunundram, im raising a daughter... how can i hate all women..

is it really hate

resentment

misstrust,

i dont think i could be in a relationship again, nor do i think i can trust women, but it seems everybody has a story, both men and women,

are humans that bad, ive seen the worst in humanity in my job, and i really dont have much faith in humans..
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Ross's daughter



Joined: 18 Sep 2009
Posts: 94
Location: Brisbane West

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Reluctant anger might be a good phrase..............
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dave the slave



Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 271
Location: port pirie south australia.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah CC. Everybody has a story both men and women suffer domestic abuse and violence, unfortunately our government and the MSM at large only ever care about one side and ignore the other.
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dave the slave



Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 271
Location: port pirie south australia.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I recently undertook a course and i now have a job caring for mostly mentally handicapped people.
A couple of weeks ago i was doing some " in house" training for my new job. At the session there were 7 women and little old me. The bloke doing the first aid training used to be a paramedic. At one point he related a story about when he attended a call where a man had been bashed unconcious by his wife. Immediately 3 of the women jumped in with comments like, "good on her", "serves him right" and "he probably deserved it". SICK,REALLY SICK. Only one woman had the guts to say "well i'm not laughing". I wonder what sort of reception I would have got if the story had been one of a man bashing his wife unconcious and i had weighed in with such comments.
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commandocop



Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Posts: 228
Location: NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 7:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes thats typical society these days,

men deserve it, women are better...

if i turned around and laughted at women being bashed by men, how would that be taken?

its a typical story, nobody cared that i got bashed by my wife, maybe thats what im angry about...

its not the physical pain, its the psycological pain, everybody just probably just thinks i deserved it..
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dave the slave



Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 271
Location: port pirie south australia.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nobody deserves that CC whether man or woman. Just take a step back for a moment. Look at what you actually have here. A 3 yo girl who you have sole custody of and who you can bring up the RIGHT way. How many of the members here would give their eye teeth to have the opportunity that you have now. You are all your daughter has now. You must put everything aside now for her sake. Yes you have been subjected to everything that is bad about our family law system as have most who visit here yet you have an opportunity many others here could only dream about. So many others have been destroyed both financially and psychologically by this system and all for nothing, yet what do you have. Think about it. Most here have been through similar things that you have [i know i did] and some much worse. You have a golden opportunity mate to be a shining example for all single fathers, as i hope i did in my own small way even though i did not get custody until my daughter was over 8 yo.
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commandocop



Joined: 28 Mar 2010
Posts: 228
Location: NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you are right dave, i think im probably the envy for most folks on here,

i have sole and full custody of my daughter, and it did not take much effort to get, all because i have collected the evidence the right way from the begining, and knew waht i can and cant do from teh begining...

the fortunity, that i had planned to leave my ex for some time, and was collecting evidence to do so, and mentally preparing my self,

as well as my parents, had made plans, to take my daughter as they didnt think i was going too, and had collected evidence and made plans to do so..

you are right, i ahve my daughter, and thats what really matters to me,

its what makes me happy, and what gives me a reason to keep moving forward in life...

im pretty depressed, and traumatized by my past, mostly because i switched off for so long emotionally, and now that things are over, im feeling and having to deal with the pain i put in the back of the corner for so long...

i have been and am putting one foot infront of the other, ic an not see light at the end ofthe tunnel, but i am still walking down that tunnel...
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