Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:45 pm Post subject: Consent order query
I'm currently in the process of starting the legal process with the mother of my children and being new
I am seeking advice from fellow members as to where I am to start the ball rolling.
My circumstances are fairly complicated. I have two daughters, one is 3 yrs old (4 next mth) and my eldest is 6. I broke off with my ex 3 years ago and have pretty much just played her control card since hoping she'd settle down and become more considerate of my girls, but now it's starting to involve more than me and my kids lives.
My ex has since started a new relationship along with another child with him and am feeling that she's trying to exclude me from their lives for her perfect little family. I have only had access to my children once a fortnight but this gets changed and altered frequently for her convenience and I suffer consequences when I can't alter my career and personal life at the drop of a hat. I call my kids on minimum 4 times a week but the drama never stops with her getting them off the phone to shower or have dinner etc, always the excuse to not talk, she has called my phone for my kids to talk to me no more than 5 times in 3 years but I get a million text messages about how much of a useless dad I am because I dont pay enough child support etc. I don't know a thing about my childrens development, academic, health, friends etc unless I ask, and mind you she don't talk to me when I ask anyways and for this I'm a shitful father.
Anyhows I could go on with a best seller on paper here so I will get to my query.
I am looking at getting a consent order as I believe a parental one will not work but from my understanding I need to start with a parental one first ?
Anyone who has gone down this road recently would love to hear your advice
Joined: 18 Sep 2009 Posts: 94 Location: Brisbane West
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 7:15 pm Post subject:
Sorry that you are going through all this rot and rubbish, but I am sure that their a lot on here who have gone through similar, and in some cases far worth. My husband was one of the unlucky ones who had their child moved half way across the state, so therefore limiting contact even further than the once a fortnight.
I am not sure what you mean by a "parental one", and the need to get that first. If you are talking about a parenting plan, then no, you don't not have to get one of those first. You can apply to go straight to consent orders. But remember, consent orders are what they say, they are orders by consent of BOTH parties.
This is just my experience (from people I know) but it appears that in a lot of cases when the mother gets a new man in her life, she tries her darndest to rid her life (and the children) of the father. So you are not alone.
In the interim, keep trying to have the phone contact with the children, ignore the hurtful text messages. If you are tempted to fire one off back to her, wait a while, maybe 24 hours before you do anything. If possible, try to arrange for contact to be via email except in the case of an emergency. Make sure your child support is up to date. Only pay her what has been assess by CSA. And try to avoid phone calls with CSA, they have the ability to twist your words. Maybe you could politely suggest to the ex that she go CSA collect, and therefore she wouldn't have to deal with you regarding finances. It is a shame that this aspect of child support (CSA collect) is only arranged at the behest of the payee. I am sure there are a lot of payers out there who would rather pay via CSA.
But now to the process. Have you had any discussions with the ex about consent orders as yet? If you haven't, and from the sounds of it, I don't think she would be amenable to discussing this with you one on one, you could arrange mediation. Now there are free services out, the FDR (Family Dispute Resolution) services, but personally I don't think they are much chop. And their waiting lists can be extremely long. There are private ones, which you pay for. But my experience with them is, that you get in to see them more quickly, and they do not emply fresh meat straight out of uni, with no life experience. And some of these will even suggests things to you with reagrd to contact and care, that the FDRs wouldn't even think of. My husband has had two bad experiences with FDRs, and they were different centres as well.
You might be able to reach consent with regard to contact etc, which could then be ratified by the court. If you don't, then the resolution service could issue you with a 60I certificate which means that you can then lodge an initiating application to the courts.
But there needs to be a discussion with the ex first.
Good luck. If you want further info, get back in touch.
I know the reply was late but I sort of went into a hole for awhile to get a better head about the whole situation.
Your advice is greatl appreciated, helps getting a different angle of the situation.
I recently tried mediation thru Family relationships, which I thought would be a great tool to resolve some problems but I was knocked back as it "wasn't appropriate" they stated.
I done this roughly around February, and have seen my kids on two occasions during this time.
In regards to my CSA, I have always been up to date with my payments and keep my financial info up to date.I struggle with the whole paying child support for children I do not see but my wonderful partner keeps me in line, knowing that it will affect any legal action I take in the future. I recieved a letter not to long ago indicating that I would no longer be paying support for my youngest, to which I was abused by the ex for being a [CENSORED] excuse of a dad ! turns out she didnt supply neccesary paperwork that was required, but as usual all dads fault.....
My partner of 4 years is expecting around christmas this year. Until very recently we have kept this quiet from the ex knowing that their would be repercussion of it" was hard not being able to tell my girls they were going to have a brother" sure enough, been getting abusive messages for the past week now with the usual threats. at the moment my only contact with my girls are 3 phone calls a week, which wrecks havoc on my mind because until last week she never stopped the phonecalls. I have even been threatened with my girls stepfather trying to adopt my girls. I know this is baseless but the mention of it gets my blood boiling.
She has instructed me to not call, email or message and that if I want to see my kids in any sense, to speak to her lawyer. I do not know who is or what I'm answering for.
This is a very hard time for myself and my partner being that her health and mental state is paramount. I feel guilty if I was to proceed with legal proceedings until our son is home and mother is healthy. Is there any advice as to how I can try to calm things down in the interim, because after 4 years I must be doing something wrong because it does not work no matter how nice I can be.
Also when I follow thru with legal proceedings what information etc, will benefit me in court for my children to have a right to see there dad ?
Joined: 18 Sep 2009 Posts: 94 Location: Brisbane West
Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2012 4:04 pm Post subject:
Let me assure that it would be nigh on impossible for her partner to adopt your children as his own. You would have to agree to that, and I suspect that you would not do that.
It is disappointing that the FRC said that mediation was not appropriate. My only guess is that she has tried to play the domestic violence card. But you should have been provided with a 60I certificate. That is what you need to start the ball rolling to get this into court.
Keep a record of all you interactions with you, you will need this for your affidavit for court.
She appears to be one of the crowd that hates their ex more than they love their children, and it won't matter what you do or don't do, she will find fault with it.
Continue to pay child support as deemed by CSA, do not pay any extras, no matter how guilty she may make you feel. If she stuffed up with paperwork, then that is her problem, not yours. And when your little one is born later in the year, make sure you tell CSA as soon as possible, as this new little one needs your financial support as well. And ignore the ex when she carries on like a pork chop when "her money" goes down, because it is just how the system is.
And no after 4 years you are not doing anything wrong, some people are just like that, bitter and twisted.
I don't come on here regularly but will try to log in occassionally. Talk with your new partner and find out what she is willing to put herself through with regard to you going to court. Because believe me, it does affect her too.
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