hmmmmmmmm, i'm confused tonight. At the changeover after having the kids on the weekend (which was awesome) X made it clear she had a new ring on her wedding finger....was full of 'diamonds' anyway, a little confused if it's an engageent ring or not - this doesn't overly concern me however what does, is, if it is then what happens to the kids names???

The kids 2 biological & Wife took my surname..we then changed the Step Daughters surname to be the same as mine - so we were all matched!

IF she gets married & she takes new blokes name..what happens to the kids names? Surely they should be made to stay as is? Any thoughts on this, how did you go about this? The kids currently 2.5 & 4.5 so obviously the eldest is learning his name etc

Will ask her Tues if congrats are in order or not regarding the ring

Hey Gooders

Legally the X can't change your childrens name without your written consent, however it is not illegal to be known by a different name as long as you use your legal name to sign legal documents, so unless it's written down in orders to say they must be known by their legal name, she can call them whatever she likes but must use their legal name in all legal documents. As for your step daughter the same exists, the X can change her name with her fathers permission.
My step children changed their name and have now changed it back again, they do not have to consult me but needed their fathers permision. No biggy for me because of aggressive PAS I don't see them anyway ( their choice ????? )
One of the first things I said to my X was " Don't even think about trying to changing her name".
Teach your children their names as normal and make sure they learn about their relations on your side and the importance of blood linage.
I have alway's told my daughter that her mums boyfriend can not boss her around ect and that in her life he is just a friend, I know her mother too well and she would be thrusting the disaplin responsibilities onto her boyfriend and establishing alienation between the kids and him.
It gets very confusing as to what the best thing to do is so I suggest looking at the big picture and make your decissions with your and their future in mind, this guy might not be around too long you are their father for life and beyond.
Good luck

For your kids to take the name of the new guy he would have to adopt them. But your ex can change them by depol but would require your authority to do so. She can still add/change their name as D4E has stated.

I have a mates ex wife still lives out here with her new hubby. As soon as my mate left the kids had hyphenated names to include her maiden with real last names.

I'd be pissed if my kids took anyone elses name and it should be considered menatl abuse for an ex do do this without consent. It's bad enough we loose lots of contact with our kids but to allow an ex spouse to change their last name in an attempt to remove us completely should be illegal without consent under any terms.

I have been through this as part of pas, and offer the following comment...

there are two ways your childrens names can be changed, the first is when your children reach legal age and do it themselves or ... in your case, when the two parents aggree to a change.

this is muddied by the fact that (in the absence of any orders to the contrary) it is not illegal to assume and alias provided it is not used for illegal purposes and it will be difficult to stop your x from doing this unless you have specific court orders saying so.

as part of my application i asked for and got such an order that totally retsricts the x from using anything other than their real names at all times, at all and any type of activity or function, no exceptions.

if you have joint responsability for the children then it will be a hot point re changing names without your approval, but without more specific orders, the water is murky.

hope this helps, aussie

Hi folks, I've seen this one from both sides as well. My stepson was very upset at the thought of having a different surname to his mum after we got married. We took his concerns seriously and contacted his school counsellor who suggested that we give him an alias to include my surname. For example If your surname is jones and hers becomes williams the children could use the name williams- jones. No legal paper work has to be changed such as school enrollments medical records etc but the child can be reffered to by that name on school books etc. It worked brilliantly for us and my stepson is getting a little older now and has told us that he is very happy that we didn't do it any other way.

When my ex got married my oldest boy told me that he wanted to change his surname. He was a lot older than my stepson when his mother and I married. I told my son that he could when he was old enough but it would be against my wishes as his mother and I agreed that it was a good idea to give him the name he has and we do not agree to changing that name. I told him that if he felt uncomfortable by his mothers change of name he was welcome to use an alias like his step brother did until such time as he was legally old enough to make the decision for himself.

It hasn't been raised as an issue again probably because my stepson's father is now back in his life in a small way and he has reverted to using his actual surname and he appears comfortable with his decision.

We have a great relationship with my stepson's father for his sake, We can and do talk about anything. But it is only because we ALL make the effort. My kids from my first marriage often appear gobsmacked when he or his parents are around. I am learning just how it can work but it has taken a while. At first it frustrated me how different things can be. Now I run with what works, and run from what doesn't.

I do know how you feel, it is one of the few things in our childrens lives that we have a say in.

Hang in there

Chris

Good post Spike

I think you may have invertantly hit the nail on the head, this is one of the only things we do have any real controle over, and perhaps we hold on very hard to that one thing, my step-children changed their last name by what I thought was their wish, with their Fathers permision. ( Hyphanated surname " Jones-Brown")
At the time this fillrd me with a pride bigger than Golliath, that they would want to do this willingly. I since found out that as they where young at the time they were very much influenced behind my back. My X is a very cruel person and I have not seen my step children in a family way since the seperation and one of the first things they and their mother did was to change their names. So it ended up with the X changing to her Step-Fathers name, the other kids to their Fathers name and my child stayed as my name. The children are older in their teens and have been PAS influenced all their lives and taught to dislike their Father who has had a wedge driven into his relationship with his kids from the start.
After all the above babble, I would have preferd that my once step-children had have used an alias rather than de-poll name change I believed it would have caused less pain for all concerned ( myself and my step-kids).
I do believe a family is made from love and not a name, but are bringing up my daughter to have pride in her name and know the value of family.
In her mothers home their are 4 different Surnames and her children have no pride in their own surname just another part of continued family distruction for the future.
I do like your method of handling the situation though Spike it allows all I have spoken about negatively to be adiquetly dealt with amicably. Part of children being stable is having pride in themselves and have pride in who they are and their name.