6 months or so I have been seperated from my X and what a messed up ride it has been. I was told from day 1 (more like 13 or so) that she would let me see my children at anytime i wanted. As always "anytime I wanted" was ment to come out as "Anytime that she thinks is best". I have only been able to see my son (23 months old) and my daughter (3.5 months old) 6-7 times in the past 6 months because she has plans. She tells me that she wont stop me seeing them but when you work during the day and thats the times she makes avaliable.... It Hurts.. What am i supose to do, how can i keep going like this.

Its been 6 weeks since I have seen my kids and I went to see them yesterday afternoon.. Me and my son had such a close relationship and to walk into the house to see them and have my son say "mum look man"

She mad a big point of it, saying "who is it, whos that?" He had no idea who I was, no hug no nothing.... Gone are are days where we would run around chasing each other, laughing and giggles, dad'da dad'da, reading stories and... well its gone. She wont let me have them for the day, not even for a few hours.. All that is alowed is for me to come to there house, and play in the back yard with my kids... I was a great farther, she use to work afternoon shifts.. I remeber the days where I would pic my son up from his grand'mas and i would take him home... Dinner, bath, stories and bed.. Man i miss them times... Now i cant even take him to the park

I cant keep going on like this, My own son does not even know who I am. Its killing me, everday i think about him, everyday I wonder how long i can keep this up. I have tired contacting lawyers but they cant do anything unless i get a parenting plan. She wont even go to the family relationships to sort through it...

Hi stryker

It is a familiar story. Both so terrifyingly real and unbelievable at the same time. I recall my ex's words ...you can see XXXXXX any time you want. It did not take long before that meant no contact at all, she simply moved and refused to tell me where. Simply refused to answer the phone.

In the middle we had a short reconcilliation. She left again just after my son learned to say "Daddy". It was only 6 weeks before I saw him again, but by then he was too frightened to say "Daddy" (it took 18 months). He tried, but I could see the hurt on his face as he got as far as "daa". He then started calling me mum. Over the next few months, my son tested me many times. He would repeat things mum had said to him "Dad is naughty", "daddy doen't love you" and many others. Each time there was a questioning look on his face. By not over reacting, my son's trust grew and grew. Now he often tells both myself and mum that he wants to live with daddy. Remember, small chidren have an inherent trust in their parents. That trust is often abused by parents for their own ends. If you do not play the game, but instead focus on your children's needs, you will regain their trust. Sometimes it will show in unusual ways. Like my son calling me mum. His needs still needed to be met. Mum had taught him that mum and only mum knows what is best for him. He found his own way of resolving the issues in his mind.

It is a long story, most of which is posted in bits and pieces on this site, but I now have shared care.

I started with the same legal advice as you received. "Nothing we can do!"

I chose not to believe that solicitor, and started researching. It worked.

First, go to a DiDs group if you can, there is a link at the top of the index for this forum to a page with all the groups.

You mentioned that she refuses to go to a family relationship mediator. Did you ask her directly or did you approach a mediation service and they asked her. If you have already approached a Family Relationship Centre, (Or other service) and they have invited her to mediation, which she refused. Ask the FRC (or other service) for a letter or certificate showing you have applied for mediation.

If you asked her direclty, and she said no. Ignore that, and approach a mediation service, they will do an intake interview and then invite her to mediation. She can still say no. But you have met the rules of the courts (to be a legal requirement from 1/7/07) and can then take the matter to court.

Then you must decide whether to use a solicitor, or represent yourself. Either way, the more you know, the better you will do. If you chose to use a solicitor, you may have to interview a few, before you find one you are comfortable with. (I inteviewed about 6 altogether). There are father friendly solicitors around, you just have to find one. Ask around.

Next you need to start preparing, you will need to decide what share of care and involvement you wish. And how that will work in a practical sense. You need to start preparing notes on the amount of involvement you have already had in the children's lives. If you can get to some relavent parenting courses, these help support your case. Keep a diary of all events, phone calls (even attempts) etc.

Hi Stryker, I can't offer any advice, but I am in pretty much the same situation myself, except my X won't let me see the children at all. But all I can say is never give up! It will get better, there is a road ahead, you just have to find it. I am getting together a parenting plan, and I am going to start court proceedings, as soon as I can get the money. Though I have felt bloody awful for months, kicked in the guts by her and so on, at least I can see a way forward, and that helps me feel better.