I am a MIDS, I know most of you are dads but I thought someone might have some advice.
I have raised our 5 children over the last 8 years while he worked long hours. He has been very controlling with finances and I have lied to him about a few things over the years, mainly trying not to get into "trouble" for purchases I had made.

He says that if I try to leave he will argue for full custody since I have not been honest with him, but he goes off to work and leaves the kids with me each day?

Does the court allow this kind of character assassination stuff or do they stick to the issues?

Help please

You may like to try marriage councilling to work through the problems if the relationship is salvagable.

As far as the court allowing charector assasination and lies to discredit the other parent, they see through a lot of the crap.

As far as full custody, unless he has good grounds that are proovable then he doesn't really stand much of a chance, but as in everything in life there are no guantees, only you know your situation.

With the limited information that you have posted any replied would have to consider that your perception of the situation may be obscured by your need to escape.

No offense but for all intensive pourposes it could simply be he is being very frugal due to the financial situation and providing for the family or he could be controling the whole family by reducing the availibility of money so all are reliant on him and he retains total control.

But this becomes irrelivant for the question you ask.
The process that is being used now which includes mediation seems to sort most problems and issue's out until it comes up against the hardcore agressive conflict where parent allienation is used as a weapon.
The idea is to reduce conflict and meet in the middle or as close as practical.

Hope this helps, if you want to talk more about things just post we have some good MID's on board as well as DID's

Hi and welcome to you up_set mum , you are indeed not going to be in any sort of trouble here. I can empathise with both you and your husband/partner.

You both seem to be under stress , you are confined to your home dealing with 5 children , he is confined to work supporting you all and , it seems neither of you meet up without being both exausted from the days activities.

There are extras to purchase with a large family , and you're worry constantly is stressing the relationship , and forcing you to say things were cheaper than they were in reality. That is a scary position.

Like D4E of whom I have great respect , you may wish to be as open as possible.There is no fear to be had on this Site, you are amongst friends, and it is your Site to speak openly and honestly so we can bring to you the best we can to assist, and we're happy to do so.

So take some deep breaths , your children are not being taken from you , nor are any of us pure in the area of lying...especially if 'trouble is a way of life'.

Please give credit to your spouse , as these days it almost takes 2 people working to make ends come close.
He seems to be afraid of loosing you , so doesn't that say something. tHE WAY HE EXPRESSES THE FEAR MAY COME OUT IN ANGER , AND CONTROL. Yet there is good control and not so good control.

You both do need to speak openly of how you are in your relationship, and tell one another of your insecurities.

As you can see I am looking between your lines, and reading relational challenges to respond to your post.

Please speak again as we are here to assist you and your partner. If you definitely want to leave , just speak as you are talking to friends. If you have friends or relatives talk to them to receive some reassurance.

He can't do it all, and neither can you. Two is much better than one...unless there is abuse involved.

Thanks for speaking, Colin S

By the sounds of it, your husband and yourself are in need councellor, however if there is no hope in sight, here is my answer.

If your husband thinks he will get custody because you have lied to him about issues relating to raising your children then he has no hope. If that was the case i would get 200% custody of my daughter as my wife lies for a living.

Anyway, what I understand is that fathers can get up to 50% custody, and by the sounds of it you seem to be able to raise the children up fine so you capabilty as a mother cannot be questioned.

As you have not worked and he is the sole earner in the house hold, the courts may ask if you are capable finacially with raising your children, however im sure with child support that he would have to give you, he would be paying a bit in child support.

Basically ya husband wont be able to get full custody because of he saying you lied to him,

The courts will consider whats best for the childeren first, then issues like how you will cope finacially etc and so for your husband.

Also I have heard cases where one parent get 3 kids and the other get 2 kids if the courts see that is the best for the children.

Hope this helps.