Is it really true that all my ex has to do is turn up at a police station, turn on the tears and pretend she is frightened and then I have a date with the court or is there a burden of proof that has to be satisfied?

I have been separated for 12 months and have the usual story of having no idea anything was wrong until she walked out. She refuses to discuss and it would appear that under the 'no fault' divorce process I have no avenue to extract her reasons.

I have written to her on several occassions over the last 12 months, probably no more than 10 and sometimes months apart and I have written to about a dozen of her friends and family once, nothing sinister just asking if they could fill in any of the gaps type stuff.

She started threatening to take out an AVO a couple of months ago because she feels 'harassed'. I wrote to her to try and get her to explain exactly what it was about what I was doing and/or saying that made her feel this way but it would appear that the very act of trying to find out could be construed as 'harassment'!!!

I could understand if I was bombarding her with stuff but I am not.

Does the law really expect me to just pretend that my marriage never existed?

Is there something I should be doing that I am not?

Any help will be appreciated.

yup it really is that easy mate.

If she has been threatening it, chances are she will do it at some stage, that s the reality of it.

Hey Puzzled

I gave up asking early on. When I did ask the reason was " You know why, I'm not going to give you the reasons again " Which in itself posed another question " When did you tell me ? ".

Even if you could extract the information in court it would be a whole lot of crap that didn't happen or straight out lies about the time making out you to be the one at fault.

When I started to go through this mess and ran into no fault divorce I got quite pissed at the fact that someone could destroy two families, lie, cheat and steal and still not answer shy she was doing it. It hurt.

Then I started to realise that it wasn't such a bad thing, if she lied and cried about a fictional reason she would also embrace re-educating her children as well as my child to a reality that did not exist, hell she did that any way but could you imagine how intense it would be should she rely on them in court.

Some short reality's are that the seperation is planned close to a year prior to the leaving, They are ready to leave and cut all ties by the time they do, Any children involved are usually P.A.S. effected before the time and sworn to secrecy as to not alert ( if they are told and some are ), close friends to her and her parents and family usually become aware of the situation by information she tells them in that year prior to leaving, you are used as the excuse, any form of trying to find out details of seperation is harrasment in their eye's and is usually met by refusal to discuss any issues that they feel they have responsibility for, the old sticking head in sand routine and hoping it eventualy goes away.

Time comes when you realise that the brick wall is only doing you damage, no one will answer your letters or requests because you are the bad guy in their eye's and seeing as she would be expressing fear to them because you have had the audacity to involve others in her problems.

One thing you are providing to her is amunition to use against you, one letter to her one letter to a friend and one to a family will be percieved as 3 letters to her.

You ask if there something you should be doing well try to get along to a DID's meeting andd share with others would help, or share on the forum.
4 years down the track I stopped caring why 3 years ago and concentrated on another area " my life " I didn't give up on asking " Why " I just realised it wasn't important and the refusal to talk simply proved that it was her personal selfishness that was the reason, this combined with the fact that I am in a better place now helped heaps.

Long winded for such a short question hope something in there may be worth reading.

Best of luck D4E

Thanks for the posts guys.

I am really glad that I have found this site but in a way it is a shame that it has to exist.

Apart from struggling to come to grips with losing the person who I loved and trusted (although I realise that she was just a jerk - no disrespect intended to jerks!!!) I am finding it surprising how easy it is to walk away from a marriage, how the law actually protects the guilty and how it would appear to leave them free to do it all again and again.

I appreciate your sentiments about whether getting the reasons is really an excercise in futility however I find it pathetic that as if it is not enough to walk away from a marriage without reason or giving your partner the opportunity to fix whatever it is that they may be doing wrong that I can be prevented from even approaching the only people who could possibly have the answers, by the threat of legal action.

If this was happening in the real/commercial world there would be a case to answer for breach of contract, misrepresentation, fraud, blackmail etc etc etc.

I regard myself as a pretty easy going normal bloke and I can see from having chats with counsellors and reading various posts on this site that I am going through the usual set of emotions.

Part of me misses the person that I fell in love with and married (who does not appear to exist anymore) part of me is quite glad that I don't have to put up with her crap anymore or have to deal with her pathetic family and friends but equally, I find it disgusting that she can be out there acting like nothing has happened, playing the victim role and ready to play 'happy families' with the next sucker and I appear to be powerless to prevent that from happening or even presenting my side of the story so that people can make an informed decision.

One of my mates reckons that he saw a TV program or news article or may have just dreamt the situation where, in a similar situation a lady set up multiple email accounts and used different computers to send anonymous emails to get her message across. Apparently, although they suspected that they came from her it was a way around the law.

I don't want to do anything illegal although it does sound like an attractive alternative.

Have you guys heard of the program/article?

Not personally but I've never looked for it.

Many here fell in love with an illussion presented to them in the body of our childs mother.

It hurts to invest so much into a relationship to only have it torn away with no ryme or reason. I agree it is a breach of contract and in a court of law no questions would go unanswerd but in the family court many assumptions and falsified information is accepted unless you have prominant evidence to state differently.

One of the few effective ways of getting at your X is to enjoy life with out her anything else simply justifies their cause.

Is there children involved ?? if there is it makes it ten times harder.

Keep posting and letting us know how you feel and the need to know will lessen because someone is listening. It's not you who is the problem if it was she would have discussed it with you frankly.