Hi again timbo, sorry to here the worm turned.

You ask if it's wrong to have a break. Hell man we are but just human, the fact you have realised that you needed it to just stop for a while is commendable, in doing this you have offered a reprieve for your children.

Many of your questions can't be answered but there are some good sights out there that will help you understand exactly what you are up against, I visited a site that was attached to another members details his name is Aussie and if you look up his details you will see an attached web site about parent alienation.

In my posts I refer to "triggers" these are nothing less than viciousness traps that are used to further alienate children from the parent with less or no contact. My X used the argument over the phone method regularly and when I stopped being drawn in she simply reacted on the other end of the phone by yelling and screaming even though I was calm and sedate. She did this because she had an audience that was listening and needed to prove that I was the bad guy. No doubt my daughter was part of that audience.

It was hard to believe that she would have done this but it certainly is not her worse crime against her children.

You will also find that she will have an enabler close by who supports her and encourages her, this helps justify her actions, ergo no guilt. Even if she knows she is wrong and she is damaging the children she will build a false perception that she is doing this as a benefit and out of love, this perception then clouds the truth and with careful choice of friends and a limited exchange of the truth this preconceived perception then becomes the truth.

If you look at hard core abusers this excuse exists amongst all of them through the gauntlet, the phrase " we are better off with out him in our lives " is not all untrue because if there is no you this means the amount of abuse they suffer is reduced because their mother will not expose them to the full extent she is capable of " right now " but who knows about later.
And in rhetoric you also have the fact that with out you there is no safe place for them where they are not exposed to her erratic selfish behavior

Although it may not seem like it your importance in their lives is irreplaceable and you should never underestimate the power of positive parenting no matter how short of time it is for.

Best of luck timbo

Hi Timbo

I reposted your open conversation , as I discern a man of a caring gentle nature who has been well wronged by another who thinks she bore them , therefore she 'owns' them. Another form of abuse to which if continued , leads her to over-rule everyone and anyone who dares touch her possesed children.

I've spoken of these folk time and time again. To posses a child, husband , wife, friend, partner , is to abuse them , and take from them the uniqueness of their own attributes /inner character and values , and those whom they value, such as yourself. YOU ARE STILL DAD

You most probably replaced bickering with silence by hanging up on her , and as for looking after you, it may be time to have a little rest, relaxation, if possible , and continue to share with friends, and your friends here at Dids Forum.

Pleased to hear from you , sadened to hear of your position. Yep take a little time out , write to the children no matter what age they are, and keep a record of your correspondence if you wish.

Take extra good care Buddy,
Colin




PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:32 am Post subject:
Hi guys
back again after a couple of months.
its funny to look back on what I posted before, when I thought things were going better.
End result.
I have seen my daughter and son once since fathers day.
Have had no phone contact with either of them for a fortnight as the last few times ended up with me hanging up on the ex even though I made it clear I was only ringing to talk to the kids not her.
I am having a break from it all. which means I am having no contact with the kids at all. Is that wrong???
I actually feel better, but that is only because I am not arguing with ex.
I miss the kids incredibly but the last few conversations with ex have proven she really would prefer if I just fell off the face of the earth.
So I am giving her on a platter what she wants.
How can someone so upset the great relationship you had with both kids and not feel any guilt.
If she was a beggar in the gutter I would make sure she saw her kids regularly.
Its like I have never existed in their lives to her.