After reading some information recently put onto a Parent Alienation site, I found myself retrospectively looking back on the last few years and the path they have taken.

I sometimes feel like I am in part of the twilight zone and reflecting questioningly " Did it really happen like I think "

When reading and even witting on comments about alienation the feelings flood back very strongly, what happened and what was felt in confusing times almost feels cereal, especially when my daughters mother suddenly becomes compliant with what I have been trying to achieve for years and seems to be quoting back to me phrases and terms used years back.

The fear is still prevalent that this is just an intermission for a surprise that is unseen and yet to come or could it be that she is finally learning...............

My nature is to move forward and trust, accept people for who they are and always look for that spark that makes us individuals. Not to forgive but rather to accept that people make mistakes that they do not need my forgiveness for, my opinion is of little importance if you can forgive your own actions and I can live with this.

As I listen to the person on the other end of the phone excusing themselves from an insignificant problem surprised at the suggestion that I should have rang and discussed the problem something didn't sit right.

Afterwards I realised that once again even though I had been the one to initiate communication of a problem I was being told my method of raising this communication was wrong and in future if there is a problem just phone.

It was then I realised that it was just the subtlety of things have changed, the problem was not in my quarter but had started in hers, communication was not entered into on her part but raised by myself this should have been initiated by her and once again everyone else was to blame for it happening the responsibility was not hers.

I have had a great deal of success addressing aspects of alienation and although now it is something that is sneaky, subliminal and subtlety treacherous it still exists and I feel for my daughters mother she simply knows no other way and can not accept this fault in herself.

My position has always been to just be dad and in our time together hopefully provide the tools so my daughter will be able to break a cycle her older siblings have not been able too.

Now I feel I have reached the pinical in regards to reducing the amount of alienation that is being forced upon my daughter I have to set to work to increase her personal self esteem and confidence and hopefully make a dent on the use of another tool called guilt that has been used on her.

I sometimes wonder if alienation boils down to a social attitude taught from parent to child, encouraged by the system or ingrained genetically.

In my case I know the need to be ever vigilant because each time I have let my guard down it strikes like a cobra.

Strange as it seems my daughters mother is starting to have a source of information that seems to have her admitting she has made mistakes with the children from her first marriage.

Ground breaking stuff, not really when you think of the time of year.
Yes Christmas is coming up and with it comes varied problems associated with contact and family. Now don't get me wrong I'm further down the track and more aware of what to do and I've always been reasonable because my daughter is not leverage in my eye's, but this does not mean I'm not subject to all the old head games that come with the season.

My week and my turn for Christmas so I have control of what occurs in that time, so when her mother ask for time the day before the big fella comes just for a few hours it gave me a deep satisfaction to say " Yes ". I haven't forgot the past torture of having contact removed to " Teach me a lesson " and I will never forgive for that stolen time a few Christmases back . I refuse to let my daughter suffer at the hands of her mother when I can prevent it, the unfinished business remains between us but this business does not control or effect my life because I took that control back.

Many who are new to this time of year or simply on the bad end of attempting to settle contact will suffer the full brunt of alienation because it is the most strategic part of the year and second only too fathers day as far as impact and manipulative gain.

What you need to know is that you are not alone and although this Christmas I can't be on line on the day itself my thought will be with all and I will be back the following night.

What I've grown to realise is that most the time those who alienate know that exactly what they are doing and they know why, they even conspire to create the most effective ways to prove the victim is the problem to justify their abuse, it doesn't stop but it does become easier to deal with and after recovering a few triggers so the reaction they seek is no longer there it becomes speratic as if to test the water and the silly season is aptly named.

Remember not everyone has the same morals or social standards as yourself and that the alienator ( mum or dad ) is not the same person that you knew before, so don't treat them as if they are, they are strangers.

Try to be good because it's not just Father Christmas who's watching to see who's naughty and who's nice it's our children too