Hi there after 2 years I have finally got my ex to attend mediation so I can have unrestricted access to our son. I will be seeking substantial care. But just prior to the mediation starting she has served a DVO (temporary) and is trying to put all these restictions on me so at mediation i get to start behind the 8 ball.

The reason for this is she moved house and refuses to tell me where she lives, I have no clue where my son resides. I did have a previous DVO it expired 4 months ago and I had no breeches.

is it illeagal for me to know my sons address? I will be contesting this in court this week. I dont qualify for legal aid and with $260 taken a from my pay for child support I cant afford a lawyer.

G'day ozzydad,
Self representation is an option you have mate. You need to prepare well tho. Have proof of everything you intend to claim or refute. At some stage she will take the witness stand, you need to have all your questions already worked out, with your response to her likely answers. When you get in the stand, stick to the facts in your statement. Try not to get emotional. Make sure you bring out everything you want the Judge to know. (everything) This includes why you believe this DVO application has been made. Have it all written down so you don't miss anything. Have a closing statement already written, but leave spaces between each line so you can write any thing in at the hearing. If you can get witness statements to prove you didn't do what she is claiming then they are better in affidavit form. Courts don't like Statutory Declarations and some won't accept them.
Be ready for "hearsay" evidence. (Evidence without proof) Object and state why. The Judge can still accept hearsay evidence tho.
"expert evidence" from a non expert. (lead ins to this are "I think" "I believe" type of answers.)
Do some research into the evidence act and Domestic Violence Laws.
Be as up front and frank as you can be with the judge. Don’t try to bluff anything.
Most DVs don’t get to court when they are challenged.
Good luck ozzydad.

DC

Hey ozzydad,

I think it's all about perception of threat, although the DVO ran out her lawyer could argue variouse senerio's about why her location should be kept from you as you are a danger to her.

They could use the excuse that the DVO has been succesful because you didn't know her location.

Because it's upto an indiduals perception of the situation it is possible for you to have regular contact but not know the whereabouts of your childs/children mother because you are a percieved threat to her.

Unfortunatly it's not so cut and dry as " I made a mistake and I've done my time " or " There was no truth in the DVO ".

As you will be attendng mediation soon and for reasons the DVO was accepted it may be more provident to accept that her address is withheld from you, accept that she percieves a threat that in your oppinion is non-existant but nether the less you agree to this minor intrusion to allow to establish unrestricted contact in all other areas other than her home, and you are willing to contact by phone and written communication. It may also work in your favor if you suggest opening a post office box for the exchange of written documents or other neccessary written comunication between their mother or the kids themselve.

It's important that you show that you have considerd possible solloutions to any restriction she may attempt to apply to visitation/contact, it is also important to accept a situation may have occured to cause distress weather it be implied or imagined you need to work towards what you consider best for the children as far as contact with their father.

If you come up with valid options that are well thought through and take into consideration her pressumed fears but re-instate you disbeleife that there is a problem that exists to make it neccessary but show a willingness to mediate and comprimise then you will show what true mediation is about and her insistance to negate these solloution by rejection and no alternate solloution will show that she is attempting to allienate you from the childs life.

Don't forget because most of family law has a very loose basis and allows for perception there are no true way's through it to fall back on so the more you lead by example and stay cool and aviode agression the more it will be seen that your true agenda is the child.

Please do not take this as legal or moral advice but rather use it to allow your own ideas and thoughts because you are best qualified to make a decission on your situation.

I wish you success with mediation D4E

Thanks guys...and yes i have been down this track b4 temporary orders and temporary restriction placed and then I go to court to have them removed successfully.

This is the 3rd time now she has misinformed the authorities, 3 times now I have temporary restrictions placed on me and 3 times now I had to go to court to defend myself.

This time I believe I can show evidence of spite and malice she has no problem coming to my home and picking up our son. But she refuses point blank to ever allow me to go to her home.

If she considered me to be a threat, why would she drive 100km to my home away from her comfort zone?

Sorry ozzydad,

I became a little confused, I thought you were just up to mediation but your a bit further down the track from there and DC hit on it straight away.

The " authorities " act mainly on whats presented and as DC has suggested it's important that you get yourself heard.

As you have defended yourself 3 times in court and had the restrictions removed you could present the fact that this is getting a little monotinous as the claims have been proven unsubstantiated, if you have a diary or witness to say that she has no problem with contact with you when dropping off I'm sure it will help but in saying that they will take into account that she percieves a threat may be established if you have her address. Even if the truth is that she can't pull all her crap like interfering with access when she feels like it, it's good to have am option to eleviate the problem but because 3 times it's been proven that she is using the system as a way of alienation.

Remember a lie isn't a lie until it gets proven in court, even when it's on an adffridavit. Until then it's an assumption of truth even if both parties conflict.

And as far as her address well she can refuse until orderd by the court.

By no means would I condone it but unless it's in orders and such anything can be alluded.

There may not be truths to her beliefs and she may be using the system to her advantage but unless someone questions it's relavance, the system considers it possible.

Hi ,ozzydad these continued attacks on you must surely have some substantiation from her for them to be seen as legitimate. I am not in the legal proffession, yet my 25 years of Building homes and the lies and suttle ansd threatening actions by brickies, along with owners and tradesmen , bring me to the point of a statement of sincere as well as severe deformation of character,.....intimidation and subsequent unsubstantiated personal integrety of a Father before his child, as well as the public.

To defame a Father with an action based on nil evidence , is to me making a statement that guilt has been declared by the very action of the placement of the DVO.
Somewhere we need to come up with an addiquate solution , which deters the liers , and removes their rights to place DVO without clear evidence.
I have not yet heard a man state that the child id his, because his wife raped him, yet I have seen a laboure on the building site, and the mess he was after several women raped him. Perhaps women have a mind which perpetrates descency to humanity. If they are like that with one man, what hope have they of finding true relationship...almost nil.

My best to you mate, and thanks to those who reply with experience and knowledge.

Colin S

Hi Ozzydad,
i would agree,
if she has been disproven on multiple occasions then sue her for defamation of character. I know that this will mean more court cases but It will mean that you are going on the front foot.

I think that the courts refer to defendants who initiate multiple court actions are seen as troublesome.... or something. There is a legal term for it.

You could make mention of it in the next court hearing.

As far as where she lives. Dont let it be an issue.... ultimately I will assume that you feel that you need to know so that you can come to your child(ren)s rescue should you need to but Dont push it. You will eventually be able to find this information out in the course of time. When you do, resist all urges to go to the location as that will just mean that she will relocate again. Keep it as information if you need to use it later.

If you ever do need to go to the location. Stop off at the local police station and have them attend with you. That way it paints you in a favourable light. (you requested their presence b/c you believed that your x may become violent. IF she does then it is documented and proven) Get the names of the Police officers who attended.

if she does assault you then you can have her charged with such. While she is charged you can then apply to the courts proving all the above and your concerns for the children.

eg she states that you dont know where she lives and she wants to keep it that way in court.... you can ask the question of her. Has she ever seen you in her street?

If she says no.... push it further. Submit to the court a hand written note that you write out at the time and ask the judge to confirm the address as being her current residence. When this happens you can claim that her AVO DVO is unfounded and is malicious in nature.

excuse me I have gone off on a tangent

If she has ever been violent against you and you have witnesses to this fact then you can possibly turn this around and make an assault charge against her.

Once this has gone through then you have grounds to prove previous violent behaviour. If you ever have it video taped then you will be able to possibly have it analysed by a Psyc and have a legitimate claim,backup in court and a Psyche analysis of her mental stability.

The more that you have to use against her the better.

After speaking/seeing a friend of mine.... I have found that he has been so far pushed away from his child as far as contact reduced to 5 minute conversation per week on the phone with his 3 yr old. He has lost his drive to want to see the child in the flesh.

As he was informing me he has not seen her in such a long time he has almost forgotten what it is he was fighting for.... i dont believe that he is on a downward spiral at this stage but he is currently trying to get back on his feet financially

The options that he could engage, such as recording his phone conversations on his mobile and then transcribing them to show to the court seems to be way too much effort for him.

What I am trying to say is dont ever give up hope of a fair outcome...

Yes indeed it never ceases to amaze me how much 'power' a mother who has born the child has over the Father of the child.
I say ..hey ! Are Dads invisible? They seem to be , unless money is in question.
Power taken or given in parenting blasts the union apart. Too much power and not enough legal representation to insist that the 'agreements' are adhered to is the failure of the courts in general. SHE IS NOT AFRAID OF YOU, IT IS HER WAY OF PLAYING POWER GAMES......you need to insist the court is accountable for your distress if she isn't made to comply.

I FOUND THIS QUOTE TODAY AND THOUGH IT DOESN'T ASSIST WITH YOUR ISSUES it surely makes a point.

[quote]10 commandments
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post:

Thou Shalt Not Steal
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery
and Thou Shall Not Lie [/quote]

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment


and 99% of 'Legal Eagles'.............................give the rest a bad name.

We are with you Mate. In my case of an AVO, ironically I had to , though ill , go to the court with my then wife to lift the AVO as she was too scared to do it herself.
It is a way of justifying themselves when they know they're in the wrong and hide behind the UNWRITTEN LAW. " THOU SHALT NOT FORCE MOTHERS TO DO ANYTHING AS IT MAY UPSET THE CHILDREN' !
All of us need to be accountable........mothers as well.

Colin