Hey all,
I'm sure I'm not the only one enduring the existence of DCS in Qld, and colleagues in other states probably deal with the same issues. Just wanted to give you all a taste of my experience, which began on 7 Dec 2007. Interesting that they don't call back ever, nor are interested in anything other than what the "notifier" and my X says. My dad (thankfully here from overseas, helping me out with stuff) spoke with the CSO today, and here are his notes:

"I phoned DCS about 9:30 am and was eventually put
through to Mr. ***** who said that the DCS report
was going to be sent out and that [I] would get a
copy next week. Also [I] would have to apply under
the freedom of information act to see a copy of the
letter of Dec 11 that was sent to the school. He said
it (Dec. 11 letter) was just basically saying about
the safety of the children and that the school
couldn't really do much.

He confirmed that DCS did not talk with anyone else
for [my] side of any story. I said I was waiting
for almost 3 months to talk to them but that comment
was ignored.

I told him about [the X] going back with [me] still at
home alone and why would the mother send them back and
why did she not go to her siblings house or a
particular friend's house where the children had
stayed overnight on different occasions. I also told
him that the children have been with [me] overnight
(without their mother) for at least 11 or 12 nights
since he moved out of the matrimonial residence. The
children have been with [me] alone at several times
also and that [the X] treats him like a babysitting
service. It's what she wants and when she wants it.

I read him my oath declaration re: chilli and told him
about screening phone calls and the example of
"mother's weekend" denying [me] the children and then
shipping them out for overnights at friend's houses.
I mentioned her swearing (specically J.C. & goddamn) and using
racist comments and other type comments in front of
the children. I said I had been a resident of their
home with either a child or children residing there
for 12 trips to Australia. All trips were for a
minimum of one month and almost the whole time was
spent in their house (except for this time - 6 days &
nights) and I have seen the dynamics of the household.
[The X] would avoid any discussion once she said what
she wanted to say and then would either say " I don't
want to hear it" and/or just walk away so that you
couldn't have a mature discussion if you in any way
did not completely agree with her. Her favourite line
after saying something inappropriate or so obviously
incorrect was immediately to say "I'm Just Kidding".
She cannot accept disagreements or being questioned
about the validity of something she has said. Her
method is avoidance. I did say that I believe in her
mind she does not have opinions but instead her
opinion is fact.

Inappropriate discussions or comments by [the X] in
front of the children appeared to be a regular
occurrence.

CSO said that he believed that [the X]
believed at the time of the DCS was contacted she and
the children were threatened by the home situation.
[my note here: a reasonable person, would NOT]
He asked me NOT to make my complaint now while the
present DCS file is open as I had wanted to do as the
report was finishing up (he said "it would just muddy
the waters"). He said that I should start a new
complaint after [I] gets the letter report next week
by seeing any intake officer at the DCS office. I
think he just doesn't want to have to reopen or redo
his report as his mind is made up and why bother with
any other pertinent information - let someone else
deal with it.

I find it hard to believe that at least 2 DCS officers
have heard me directly state about
the chilli incident plus a few other inappropriate
events that could have an adverse affect on the
children's emotional and stable health and
environment. Yet they choose TO DO NOTHING ABOUT IT."

At the very least, you all can know that you're not alone...

Keep strong!

Good to hear from you alienated and thanks for the concise Post. It leaves little to the imagination of how the xs can 'mis-state' facts or play them down. Welcome to your Dad as well, mate. Hope the time together is a good bonding and you have time for social times together.

Thanks again. I also began the post with a story placed Web Site that may interest you and the readers posted by another speaker on the Forum.
I found it of such interest I thought it may well be with your excellent post.
Cheers for now, and never give up.
Colin

Hi Colin,

Thanks for that link, although it did make me sick to my stomach.

I have sent a letter to the Dept for Child Safety in the form of a Ministerial complaint regarding the local DCS office's processes & conduct, but -- surprise, surprise -- nothing. I am sending another letter early next week to "follow up."

It's been great lately when I've taken the kids to school after a weekend and I get these VERY dirty looks/scowls from people; it just confirms to me that the X has crapped on to them. I'm now including in my definition of "alienated" the fact that I am systematically being alienated from our previous mutual circle of friends/acquaintances, as well as daycare & school teachers. Do you know of anyone that has pursued a claim for defamation of character?

Thanks again, you're most helpful and supportive; what a great community you've assembled here.

Hi Alienated,

Good to see you posting again and I hope all is well.

As far as deformation it can be a very difficult thing to prove if not impossible, many alienators form a very tight bond between the people they dis you to, they can also create a situation in someones mind with innuendo with out saying anything substantial. You will also find in school people tend to pre-judge the situation, it has taken me near on three years to be accepted on equal terms by moat of the population at school, the only ones who have accepted me readily have been the kids they love having a dad in school and my daughter gets a bit jealous at times but she's mostly over that now and pride has taken it's place.

The best suggestion I can make is to simply keep going and acknowledge everyone you can with a " High " or " Morning " , it catches them off guard and they think twice.

It's hard and can be lonely but the teachers can be good once you are seen to take part in the kids life, mind you I am still a little paranoid at times because of the nature of my X. I had a meeting with the headmaster to let him know what was going on as far as my perception of school was and what I was trying to achieve for my daughter, they do respect those who put education high on the priority and her teacher started to come to the party when she realized it was myself who had stability concerning homework or projects and such where my girls mother was and is erratic and not constant.

Best of luck good to hear things are going well.

High alienated, there are many here including myself know where you are at …. It’s wrong, it stinks and it is a hell of a thing to go through … but …

From my own experience … she was in control at the time, both her and her mother attacked me on any front they could, defaming me to the ridiculious and they did a damm good job of it too, they covered all the mums and dads at school, the local corner shop, my other ex wife (who did not believe her and is still my friend) right down to where I buy my lunch during working hours, everywhere they could find out that I go, they went … but ….

The one thing that they did not realise was that they were the ones that were guilty, not me as they wanted all to think, and time proves all.

Another thing that kept me going was that I knew the truth and no one could take that away, and that they knew that and the fact that they were lying, some might say that is only a little thing but when you have little else at the time to me it was HUGE ... the one thing that they could never do was take that away.

So I was down, could not see my kids, defamed etc but I have always been able to find a positive in any negative and soon realised that in time events would prove them wrong which would prove me innocent, and it did.

They failed in the end… why ….

I stayed straight, fought for and got my time back with the kids and the courts exonerated me (2 rounds of false sexual allegations), that was a big step, then I figured that if all these people who had been convinced I was bad saw me with my little girls having a good time it would make them think and it did.

I made a point of taking them out in public a lot, yes even to the corner store and many people saw my girls laughing and having a good time with daddy, that sure did make a lot of people think “hang on” he is not all that bad.

To begin with no other parent at their school would even acknowledge me let alone talk to me, she had done a good job on them but, I kept saying hello with a pleasant look on my face whilst picking my children up from school, one thing I would do is to start a game with them in full sight of everyone and then leave with one of them riding on my shoulder, both of them laughing and happy.

Kids their age cannot carry on with someone else’s lie for too long and they love having fun with daddy too much to resist a good time.

One by one the other parents came around and now most (not all) are happy to see me and talk to me with many telling me they now know who the baddy is and that many parents will not talk to my ex now, they hated being lied to and used.

Another thing that helped was that I did not slam my ex to any of these people (I had friends I used for that) and school staff found me rational and pleasant to deal with, something they could not find in her.

The moral … when you are at rock bottom there is only one way from there…. UP … and … you have little more to loose as you may have already lost most of it but you sure have a lot to gain

The baddy in all of this (the alienator) has little more to gain BUT sure has a lot to loose

Think about all of this and conduct yourself accordingly and you will start moving up, worked for me.

Just chip away towards the positive, enough little positives will result in a big positive.

Cheers alienated

forgot something ... i can tell you a bit about going for defamation but do not even think of starting something like that until the family court stuff is well out of the way.

It can be done but only in a civil court, if you are serious then you will need to start preparing NOW, but you also have to keep in mind ... is it really in the childrens best interest to prolong the agrivation etc by more court action.

I have considered it and done some research but have put it on hold for now as my family court stuff is over and I want to see if the ex will calm down in the childrens best interests and if she does then i must consider calming down for the same reason.