I have interim orders in place at present for access with my son.

Part of the orders state that I can have phone contact with my son once a week at a specified time on a specified day.

My son has always been chatty with me on the phone previous to these orders, but since then has become withdrawn to speaking with me.

I can coax him into speaking with his siblings and my wife, but can't seem to get very far in talking with him myself.

I can hear the X in the back ground telling him to just say goodnight. He cries and doesn't want to come to the phone while I'm on it.

This is so disheartening. I love my kids so much, and couldn't imagine ever doing this to any of them. I can't say that he is being coherced into this, but it sure seems like it.

When I have him for access, he is a loving son. He shows how much he loves and misses me, and is a totally different kid.

I've been through the processes before with my first wife, and struggled through all the bullshit of lies and deception thrown onto the kids about me. The kids grew up, its been 8 years, and have finally come to realise what lies were told, but it doesn't change all the hurt and alienation of all those years.

This is the same thing again. My son is only 5, he doesn't understand.

I am due in court again late June to finalise the orders. I'm going all out. I really want the best for my kids, and believe I can provide for him better than what he is experiencing at the moment.

G'day creaghbunney,
Unfortunately what is happening to you and your son is a lot more common that it should be. History has shown that children respond positively to the safe place approach. If the child knows that kind of pressure is not going to be placed on them by one parent, and that they are not going to be reproached for having to behave in that way by that parent, they will become closer to that parent. That parent becomes the safe place where pressure isn't applied, they can be them selves without fear when in that parent's company. At the same time they come to realise that they can conform to the other parent without being blamed by the parent taking the brunt for their behavior. This can lead to an exaggeration of the enforced behavior to gain favor or at least to prevent hostility/punishment from the alienating parent. Woops, I tried not to mention that word….

I hope this makes sense.

Love him for him and not for how he behaves. I wouldn't even mention it to him. I'd be too busy enjoying being with him.
Some don't even get to talk to their kids.

DC

I've been through something similar and it did hurt for some time, I wanted to talk to my daughter who was 4 at the time but she just never seemed to want to communicate and I could hear her mum in the background telling her to talk and how she should be nicer to me etc.

Thing is if this was happening on the phone then what was happening before phone calls and after.

I had no doubt there were many confused messages being sent to my daughter, at this point her mother was very angry and destructive towards myself and often voiced this to any one who would listen, this said when the time came for the phone call my daughter simply did not understand how her mother wanted her to react and began to withdraw, while in my company she was an angel.

I decided to remove the problem by telling her she did not have to talk but simply say ' Hi love you dad bye " to which she replied " can I dad ".
Take away the pressure and give the kids space to breath in the home they are under pressure in and it can be an instant relief for them. It didn't end there of course occasionally her mother would pull her up and I'd ask my daughter to put her mum on and told her she had my permission to do this and please do not make her talk on the phone.

It took nearly six months before she was confident in herself to have an extended call on the phone giggling and having fun, the best part was if mum interrupted her to do something she would ask her mum whilst on the phone to me if she could ring dad back, the answer was yes every time because others were listening and she did not want to appear to be doing the wrong thing.

It may help or it may not but it's worth a shot if you have run out of ideas.

Best of luck and keep pluggin.