Does somebody know what happened to 4real? I can't find any newer posts of him - I read some of his posts tonite and my heart goes out to him.

He may just be having some 'me' time Amuz. Some tend to do that occasionally. I have been almost MIA for 12 months also. That happens when we have a plate full.
I hope that's what is happening.
I'm sure 4real is ok. It would be nice to hear from you tho mate!!!!

DC

We have many members who stop visiting the forum because they have moved on to better lives or do not need as much support.

I personally look at this as a good thing although often enough wonder how members are going I take the attitude it's better to see them walk tall into their future than be here needing support and I hope all who are MIA are of this ilk.

Good to hear from you D.C. hope all is still moving forward for you, heart felt buddy.

I know a few out there still drop into the forum just to see if they can help, it's nice to know they still check in.

Best wishes to all.

4real here...

No...things have not improved, since the decision which was restrictive enough, I have seen my son twice and my daughter once...despite the court order, and without reason. Missing christmas, easter, two school holidays and my birthday.

Still unemployed I have been suffering major depression and felt it may have been too distressing all round if I were to post on the forum or anywhere else.

Colin Spratt kindly sent me an email for which I am grateful.

Several times I have been near taking my own life and I fear this will eventually be the ultimate solution. I went through a period of extreme anger and feelings of retribution.

In a protest about the lack of services available and the discrimination that is metered out, I made a stand by confronting a group of government family therapists that have refused to see me until recently and only then without relation to the children or communicating between the parties. As they have been providing services to my wife for some three years and she had them mentioned in the court order, I sent an email to every member of their staff (after warning them) and made myself available to explain my circumstances further by sitting in the park opposite crying from 9am till 3pm. They did speak to me and have agreed to meet me next week, but the same discrimination still applies and it is against all they claim about inclusion, and is clearly further "social exclusion" both of me and my children in relation to me.

Otherwise, my rapidly deteriorating state continues and my ability to cope now, even if I were to see the children probably is in question. All I really want to do is take my son in particular on an outing once and a while (far less than the court order allows) and to show him that I love him.

I know that I could go back to court for contravention of the order, but in a system with no burden of proof required, anything could be said to excuse the witholding of the children. Of course to date, no one has ever seen me with my children nor have any "accusations" ever been suggested. I know my son (5) desperately wants to see me, but what could I say to him.

I am reduced to driving around to where they live every couple of weeks with a present that I put in the mailbox in the middle of the night.

CSA are continuing with rules that disadvantage someone with a reducing income and my future is uncertain but likely to be completely financially crippling...the end result may see me faced again with living in my car. I can and will not do that again, but in my present state of mind, if or more likely when this does occur, look out for a very public display. Gone are thoughts of quietly doing myself in where no one will see, to be replaced with an act for which these things can be truly assessed and perhaps there will be an outcry that will save others.

For it was only when faced with the sight of what their did these people see what this exclusion did to me in a way that could not be ignored, that I was even able to speak to these services. They were soft targets and they will not change, other things I am completely powerless to deal with, if indeed I had the skills to do so.

Of course it is thoughts and statements like these that preclude me, and so exclude me (for good reason), from posting here or attending meetings. It has gone to far, and while I wouldn't rule out a miracle, it is going to take one and soon to save me.

Leave the vacant chair in my memory...and thanks for your kind thoughts and concerns.

pete...4real

There is nothing worse than feeling that there is no hope is there. Been there, done that. Still there actually, but not all the time.
There is hope, while there is life.
Yes I can't even hide presents in the letterbox. Hard to believe that you are better off than someone else with the way you must be feeling. Yes I am being shafted by the CSA, but don't get me started on them. I can't even think those letters without a tirade of expletives flowing through my mind. Or visions of choking their boss. Give those blood sucking leaches nothing more than you have to. If ever there were rules that were meant to be broken those circus freaks take the cake.
Yet I am lucky in other ways. I have made many friends who have been where we are but are further down the track. Many have their kids back in their lives. Many of their exs are getting their dose of karma.
I guess it all comes down to what you believe in. I believe we only get one turn at this and I decided years ago to make the most of what I've got.
They can take many, many things from me and there isn't much I can do about it. If they try to take my life I can retaliate and claim self defence (Wouldn't I love the chance)
If I take my own life I can't claim anything.
If I had taken my own life when I was considering it I would have missed out on a great many wonderful things that I am glad I was here for.
If all I can give my kids is the chance to make up there own 'adult' minds. That will have to do.
No one who knows how you feel would blame you.
The ones you would want most to forgive you never would.

Hang in there
Chris

I realize that there is worse than me, and this gives me no solace. I am sure you meant well, and I am sorry if it is that I lack the strength in the end where other's have pulled through. I am tired of banging my head against the walls, I am tired of a fight that shouldn't even exist. I am tired of waiting for forgiveness for something I have not done. A month or so back I wondered whether if I did do something that would justify my treatment by society, perhaps I would feel better. But, after seeking some advice, I was told that this wouldn't help...nothing will.

If this is a punishment till death do us part, then so be it, but let it be swift. I don't want my children to see me go down like this, and I have been through enough...three years is more than enough. I don't see change or any victories, what little concessions I may gleam from things like my recent protest is just pap to keep things under wraps, from a place which sponsors three researchers and a block of curriculum to aspiring therapists on "modern" lesbian couple parenting, while not one on the epidemic that we and countless other's endure and die every night.

I used to think like you, but now it seems like fallacy. That people like you have it worse, only shows that there is no bottom to the despair and my fears of worse to come are founded. Should I feel happy in the knowledge that other's have it worse and that likely worse is to come by me as a result.

This is why I have been absent from here and, if a meeting place were available to me, I may well not attend for fear of the effects of my pessimism. I was seriously moved when I attended meetings before, I was moved by the vacant chair, now I occupy it.

Either way there will be no forgiveness whether I die or am sacrificed by the pressures of society and forced to live in destitution. At least I now feel resolute that some of these people will have to witness my demise.

I am sorry, I am sure my words give no one support nor pleasure and I am sure you meant well, but I am afraid I will not feel better for feeling worse for you. Perhaps I should have stayed away...I only returned to answer these queries after being contacted to ask what had happened to me...now you know.

No one is any worse, or better off than either of us when we are at our lowest point. It was not my intention to make you feel sorry for me so you could feel better about yourself. I just wanted you to know from my experience that even in the deepest despair there is hope.
Someone who has been there and come back will tell you that.
Someone who has been there and didn't come back will not.
If you ask me about my life since my lowest point and attempt I can tell you all about it. The good and the bad.
The guys I know who have attempted and succeeded have nothing to tell you because they are the ones that truly now have nothing.
Do you really want to die? or do you want the grief to go away. Or would you just like your life to be easier than it has been up till now.
The answers are as complex or as simple as the questions.

4real I should come over there and slap you one.

Do you really think that a big public display will say anything at all c,mon your smarter than that.

I can understand how low things are and how you really need help, a lot of the times it doesn't come from the places we think, I'm not a religious person as many creeds go but I will sing the praises of religious folk and suggest that there may be a possibility that may help with support.

Before you decide to make a stand and take away your sons father all together try one more time just in different places, this has been plaguing you for some time and the black dog can bite hard and the bite drags you down.

I think about voices not heard and hope they have been able to move on and have found settlement, it doesn't always happen, but when it doesn't we are still here for you and still want to try and help you through this.

Your words give understanding and expression of pain they are useful to those who read them and never think of them as less important than those that are posted of success.

No you should not stay away, you should have never left. Welcome back 4real.

Thank you for responding to my query and sorry for taking so long to respond.