A mature plead for advice re. depression

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We started going out about a year ago and having a great time together. She informed me that she used to take meds for depression and wasn't taking them anymore, didn't want to be dependant on drugs the rest of her life. She was happy, fun, funny and we enjoyed each others company tremendously. She told everyone I was the most wonderful man she has ever met. Sometime in January she stated she has fallen in love with me, which an immediate rush of joy flowed over me and expressed to her the same. We were both so happy. Then towards the end of February she started cancelling our dates, for one reason or another, and eventually more or less abandon any time with me. For the past 3 months now we haven't been together at all. I have been patient but persistant in asking her to do things, and finally just asked what's going on. "I don't even feel like I have a girlfriend anymore, you haven't had anything to do with me for 3 months, what's up?" She stated "I don't feel like having anything to do with anyone". "I am depressed, having panic attacks, and have made an appt to see the doctor and probably need to go back on medication. However I don't want anyone to know we broke up so other guys don't start hitting on me." Well much to my surprise I didn't even know we were broken up, just thought we were going thru a difficult phase. She said that it isn't totally hopeless and there is a chance we'll be ok again. So I've been doing a lot of reading up on this condition and it's very scarry, for both of us. This is what I believe is happening: the brain is like a computer, only signals are chemical rather than electronic. With this disorder, signals aren't hitting the right receptors and get mixed up, emotions are wacked out, like a computer program that just wont respond properly. But the thing that disturbs me is, are these signals just being misdirected, or have the actual memories/feelings been damaged or corupted? Will the medication reroute the signals back to the right receptors and revive the love she has(had) or are the "files" (feelings) damaged beyond repair. She has the appointment today and I know it will take at least a month, possibly longer, for the medication to show any improvement, but will I get her back to "want me again"? Please any thoughts will be appreciated. I would like to know what I can expect. Will it be worth the wait, or am I holding onto false hopes.

Colin's reply
May I commend you for your unselfish behaviour toward her, though in pain and some bewilderment yourself. Panic attacks are the 'friend' and 'companion' of depression which is to do with the pathways of neuro transmitters which carry the various signals of the brain. She tried no doubt to go it alone off the medications as meeting you would have made the endorphins, the feel good mood chemistry kick in for some length of time, yet it is only temporary. The changes in her , her lower lack of love for you, her confusion and fear are not to be thought of as your fault or hers, she has a brain chemical starvation problem and once those chemicals can be returned to fill the gap in the wiring, so to speak, she will be somewhat bewildered and bewildering to live/deal with. Her moods will be low and her list of difficulties endless, you could 'fix' all of her perceived problems, yet 1000 more she would face. When the depression is treated all of those difficulties melt away.
I would suggest a low key friendship placing little stress on her until she can really, really see you as safe for herself. She hates the way she is and a certain amount of stigma is attached to her painfully frustrating illness.
No,...seldom are the transmitters themselves damaged beyond repair, it is that the ends don't join up and the chemical has been used up which connects the two ends,..then replacement is needed in the way of medication. Instead of being called ant-depressants, I believe they ought to be call mood rescuers ! She may be slowed down in all she thinks and does, or the opposite , she may become agitatedly restless. She lacks motivation, all seems worthless and bleak . If you love her as you do she needs to know that YOU ARE ALWAYS DEPENDABLE, BUT WATCH FOR SIGNS OF YOUR OWN FRUSTRATION AS YOU CAN ONLY ADD TO HER HAPPINESS, NOT MAKE HER HAPPY.
Also look after your needs, you will know when it is time to let go if it is more healing for you both. As to the future, try not to make it up, small steps to see if she will be well and she does want to be well even if she says she is sick of trying to care about you.
I hope this helps a little. You have done well searching for answers.

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may be of some help to you.
Colin

Work stress fuelling depression, study finds

June 02, 2008 02:25am
Article from: The Courier-Mail

ONE in every six depressed Australians can blame their stressful jobs for their mental states, according to a study that calls for more stress support for employees, especially women.

But the controversial findings have not impressed mental health experts who claim that while work can indeed be stressful it is rarely a trigger for clinical depression.

The work, by the University of Melbourne, says about 15 per cent of working people with depression could attribute their illnesses to their employment.

Professor Tony LaMontagne, an occupational health specialist who led the study, said jobs at fault were those where the employee had high demands but little control, with women and people in lower-skilled roles most likely to be affected.

However, depression experts argue that work is rarely a cause of clinical depression.

Professor Gordon Parker, the executive director of Black Dog Institute, said: "Work is usually only a cause of depression if the worker feels devalued, is humiliated or experiences some threat to their sense of self-esteem or self-worth."
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TIme can seem endless whilst in depression. GET HELP NOW, PLEASE!

Why especially women ?

Never mind I'll ignore that sexist remark.

Personally I'd agree work is not the cause but in saying that support could obviously intercept the onset of depression and help those who are unknowingly suffering from it's claws, clinical depression in my view is a totally different game that will also benefit from make aware to the person there is possible need for medical treatment.

Thing is the more help there is out there the more people will gain help even if the problem is short term.

Shame we can't turn around and bite the dog back.

Hi D4E,
I personally found that stress over a considerable time with traumatic events and Panic attacks triggered my depression, type, Clinical. I loved the creative work I was doing, yet tended toward perfection out of fear of being in constant trouble. As a child I couldn't and wouldn't stand up for myself and had low self worth. Also abandonment issues which contributed to my divorce. I know we have spoken on this before and come to a conclusion each case has certain similarities, yet each persons character and life events seem to play a cruel part in depression.

There does seem to be a lot of hard work going into finding ways to treat the depression earlier , also to reduce the number of depressed folk with education. I do not have actual facts to present, yet still working on this research.

Hope you are doing ok, I have had a long run without it being extreme.
Best regards
Col

Subject: Poetry


YOU

You came into my life like a soft breeze in the newness of the morning

You breathed new life into my tired and aching heart

You gave me back belief that had been shattered

You wooed me with your poetic words

You filled my life with tender romance

You had my body, and you captured a piece of this precious heart

You made me believe in me again

You were here, but as quietly as you entered my life, you left

Now I am here, and wondering why?

Why did you come, and why did you leave, when we had only just begun

I have no answers - just a tired and weary heart.



*********************************************

Alone

I sit alone in front of my window, watching life passing

Have I come so far only to find that the struggle was all in vain

What was the driving force that kept me struggling endlessly

Reaching beyond my dreams, and why now has my courage

Left me, hurtling me back towards insecurity

Let me regain my courage and strength

To find that God given sense of self-preservation

For without that goal we as humans are lost

Let me not be lost, but find that bright warming,

Comforting light at the end of my quest,

For if not total happiness, then a feeling of inner peace.



*********************************************



Dreams shattered, nightmares haunting

Physical, emotional abuse, spirit low

Lonely sad, depressed, hope flickers

Then rekindles, spirit survived, rebuilding anew

Friends are there, some unlooked for

Life turns around; illness and pain are constant companions

I carry on spirit high and strong

Dreams rebuilt, living as I choose

Not others choosing, helping others in what way I can

To love, hope and have faith anew

Others who are suffering as I knew

I am me, Hello.

****************************************

TODAY


Today you walked out of my life once again


Today you did not feel the pain in me you caused


Today you did not see the tears I cried for you in vain


Today you you did not hear me cry out your name


Today my life has past me by again without a second glance


Today my dreams are shattered in pieces on the floor never to be dreamed again.


Today I realized I cannot live a day without me hearing your voice.


Today I know I have to get on with my life, even though I don't know how!



Please tell me how I can live through "Today"

Placed by Colin, on behalf of Amuz