Yeh great !

Well , we each did great with the kid's , yet as said , the results are out of our hands, but only in the poor relational skills of a possesive mother . I have entered this term before, of the actions to posses and no-one,....is ever inspired by jealous perceptions of a wonderful act of kindness.

Thanks aussie , another skip of the heart, and a gut feeling of pain for the confused kid's., and yourself , the suttle power of shock tactics fueled by ??

Truly is a negative 'educational' system some mum's have. But Mate, think of the pleasure you each had in preparing graciously , that education is deeply embedded in their positive ' done this with Dad ', Dad's can be wonderful dad/mums , providing the fun and skills and memories for their quiet time, just prior to their sleeping. Think about that , as you sleep each night, you are an inspiration to me, as a learner cook, and and a loved and precious teacher/Dad to the girls.

When it's their turn to make decisions for their children later in life, the back seat will be well lost to memory . How often do we hear later in life from others and our own thoughts..."what did Dad do in this or that situation" Keep on with the positive. I join with well done!

Colin S

Hey Unimum,

I'm sorry to hear of your kids loss, all four of them.
After spending my time prepairing things with my daughter I understand what a big loss it is.

Best wishes for you and the kids on MD

Hey Col best way of teaching is setting a good example, negative examples are noticed more for all the wrong reasons, I'll let you know in September if it is recipecated, but like I say it's a close call as too weather it's more fun making and baking or simply recieve.

Hi unimum,

I am stunned by your story of true events, and the Father's action toward the daugher leaves me cold. And the memories 'burnt 'into your minds for a long time.
You are indeed a woman of incredible , depth , to share the tough stuff , I do hope it is of some comfort to you that we each truly listen from our ears to our heart , returning to our mind to reply to you . May we be so blessed to carry , but a small part of the pain, of those memories, which have on-flowing grief.

May we tonight carry you , AS you are not heavy ,....you're our Sister !
For our heart breaks for the pain you endure.....and that's love

What is love?
For all you people who say "I love you" when they may have no clue what love is exactly!!! something to ponder upon.....
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
It isn't love, it's like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??
It isn't love, it's lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off??
It isn't love, it's luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there??
It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants??
It isn't love, it's loyalty.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??
It isn't love, it's low confidence.

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them??
It isn't love, it's pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat??
It isn't love, its infatuation.


Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??
It isn't love, it's friendship.


Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of??
It isn't love, it's a lie.
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??
It isn't love, it's charity.



Does your heart ache and break when they're sad??
Then it's love.


Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong??
Then it's love.


Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??
Then it's love.


Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there??
Then it's love.


Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are??
Then it's love.


Would you give them your heart,..... your life,.... your death??
Then ....it's ......love.


Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?


This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?

The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is such an 'addictive' thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well. c.s. view of addiction.......is some- one we do not wish to be separated from, yet if we are , even for a time, our kid's , our wife, husband ,.sister, brother father , mother, we all need to be loved , and..to..love .

Today has been Mother's Day , my elder Son is with me, my younger Son rang ,and my Daughter who is a Mother to two girls emailed, and rang .....me! I would hope it is because their Mother and Father did love once! To you unimum

And now to bed to think of my parents, and how they loved me.

Hi to you D4E

As always you make me think, tis good. My Dad had a saying which I have never forgotten! "HE who expects little is seldom disappointed" In memory of my Dad which I have many good positive ones. I sincerely hope that if not happening this September, that in what you are achieving may , one September be , perhaps not perfect, yet a wonderful , welcome , enriching surprise , that none of us could have wished could be more fulfilling. My hope , and my memo, I just wrote will be their with you on our same special DAY.

Thanx for being here...and could I ask of you...and I ...where , and when do we sleep??? No answer required ...yet.............

Col zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Different time lines Col,

I always try to be off the computer before midnight in case I turn back into a prisoner who is used and abused with low self esteem and whom is left to do everything for everyone ..........................

Oh no thats OK I'm divorced now, I hope this doesn't mean I'm a princeess noe

Th recipication I'm after is from her mother, then perhaps she will learn the joy of doing something for and with her daughter that she will receive no accalades for. All the time that we were married things such as these were done for gratification to herself more than for what the kids got, if you know what I mean.

My daughter could give me a piece of dog poo and it would be the greatest gift as far as I'm concerned, but the biggest gift will be if her mother spends time with her and encourages her because her Dad is important to my girl.

If that happens then something more is learnt than was ever learnt in our marriage, and trust me I helped my X deal with much of her baggage she just couldn't leave it behind, she still has it now.

We I cannot help to be with you in those two points, 'THE SLAVE' to others needs is not why we are here, good boundry's are always healthy.

We're not to be a slave to anything , or anyone. Yet I have been a self- inflicked slave to my .........! Ho Hum, live and learn.!!

The greatest joy to me tonight is that it is my daughter's birthday today, and having sent a gift that she adored, it was great to hear in the background of our conversation on the phone, all of my family together in ......! household, enjoying one another's company.

I was invited , and happily would have been their , yet ........! still makes the event into a sad occassion.....................so , I hope one day your ......! may bond properly with your princess., and see her as the princess she is. Otherwise Mum, will find the valuable years of childhood gone, all to soon, and irretreavable. Yet I'm speaking of that which you know.

Take care D4E

Yep. I hear what you are saying. Your post is old and yet here I am today feeling very similar. Fortunately my husband does stick it to the ex but unfortunately she is so unreasonable not a single thing can be said or done, not said or not done to make the situation better.

I have finally realised that I cannot in any way develop any kind of amicable relationship with my husband's ex. She hates me for the simple fact I am my husband's wife. If it wasn't me, it would be someone else. In a way, I am very glad to know exactly where I stand because I need not waste any more time wondering if now is the right time to try to communicate with her in an attempt to develop a decent relationship.

It is very hard and I am very concerned about just how much worse the ex will become when my husband and I have our own children. The ex is on another planet. She insists that I have absolutely no impact and even less importance in her children's lives. Yeh, that hurt even though I know how untrue it is. Both my husband and I know that. It hurts because of the poison she fills those young kids' heads with.

Oh, and she is the perfect mother (detect the sarcasm). The perfect mother who uses the children in an attempt to manipulate everything and everyone.

I have had this in my life for nearly 4 years and it is just getting worse. Fortunately I can say this - my husband and I have a strong relationship and the ex (as much as she desires to) cannot hurt our relationship. She is hurting her relationship with her children. They will grow up one day, and hopefully have enough strength and sense about them to realise just how nasty their mother has been.