Hi. I having been reading this forum for some months and have finally plucked up the courage to post a couple of questions:-
1- My wife used sex against me so she could get her own way. is this how it is with all women?
2- My wife verbally abused me calling me such things as fff arsehole, fff barstard, piece of work, lazy (which i'm not, i work 100 hours a week sometimes) etc.

Now that we have seperated I am worried that all women are the same. Can someone pls tell me if they have been seperated and then found someone else that they have a good relationship with.....and has it lasted? Is there light at the end of the tunnel.
Unhappy fatcat

Hey Fatcat

I can say that all women aren't the same but the one I married was, but one thing that came out of it was a beautiful little girl.

Never give up looking when your ready.

Gotta admit I'm not ready yet but i'm also not missing it.

But there are a few who have lucked out and their partners have excellent input on the forum to boot......

Time is on our side

Thankgod there not all the same, or i would have to be gay lol, i have met someone we are living together now. We have been together now for over 2 years and it has been great, as with you my ex also used sex etc etc as a weapon, mind you she was shit in the bed, i am now on the other end of the scale, were i have to say no lol need a break. sure we have our little disagreements now and then (mainly at that time of the month ), but who doesnt, overall i am much happier and content.

So dont worry mate, take your time dont rush, and when YOU are ready, start dating, there are some great women out there.

Hi Fatcat

No, we are not all like that. I am not only a wife of a Did but also an ex wife. I could not imagine putting our son or my ex through the hell that a lot of women seemed determined to put theirs through. I still have issues with my ex but we communicate in an adult, civilised fashion and any frustration I have is kept well and truly in check when our son is around. It makes me so very angry and sad at the same time to see what these horrible women are putting their ex and their children through. My husband's ex is still trying after 8 years to make our lives miserable and unfortunately it is becoming painfully obvious with each passing day that the ones being affected the most are their boys.

Our marriage is still going strong after nearly 7 years and yes we do have our occassional disagreements, but one thing we have learnt from our mistakes of the past is that communication is the most important thing to remember.

Don't stress, take your time and when it is right and you are ready it will happen.

Take care and keep smiling
Elizabeth

hey fatcat, don't know wether i should admit to this but here goes ...

I have been married 3 times and the first two were great ladies, we are still and will always be friends.

the third, well she is a proper .......... I guess third time unlucky !

and I have known many others and in most (if not all) cases they were great too, and yes I will admit to being a hopeless romantic also, but it is fun.

in short, no mate, do not let the one bad one put you off altogether as I am sure many here will agree, we just picked the wrong one at the time.

life is too short and too much fun to allow that to put you off totally.

cheers mate

Hi Fatcat, No they are most certainly not all the same. The bitter ones just wallow around in and get there advice from the same cesspool.
Love is truly great, but it is not everything. Luck plays a part, but not everyone is truly lucky.
My wife and I believe that the biggest strength in our relationship is the length of time we were friends before anything else.
I know a lot of dids who have found love again and are very happy. I believe that a lot of those guys relationships will be the best they have had because of the lessons they have learnt from getting burnt. I include myself in that list.

Hang in there
Chris

Spike, I think you mention something really important.

'Friendship'.

My guy and I are absolutely the best of friends.

He had told me that when he separated from his xW he wanted to remain friends with her.

I asked him:'Why do you expect her to be your friend now when she never was? If she was such a friend, your marriage might not have ended.'

He agreed, as have alot of other divorced guys I know - they all said that they never really were friends with their xWs.

It is so important to take your time, build up a good friendship and be very honest with yourself if you feel the friendship is not all you want and need in your life.

Every long term happy relationship I know of is built on the foundation of the couple being best friends - every time.

And I am astounded after reading here at what some women will do. I am really astounded. Not all women are like that - you just have to pick carefully and stand up for what is best for YOU!

Hi Everyone. Maybe nuts to add to a post i did a couple of years ago but thought others might find the update gives them some hope. I FOUND SOMEONE ELSE ! Met her while going through the child custody and divorce battles. We've been together for over a year and are getting married in December. She's the greatest girl in the world. She does everything she can to repair the psychological damage done by my ex. For the 12 years i was married to my ex she never ONCE paid me a compliment. I thought that that was normal, that only males compliment their partners. My new partner (fiancee) dotes on me to the max. I love it. Of course i return the favour whenever i can. Not to say we don't have arguments, but we get over them quickly enough. She was previously married also but no kids. Her ex had previously been married and had kids and didn't want anymore.

I did date a few women before i met her. I think the most important thing to remember when dating after marriage is to make sure your new partner is completely stable. Definitely don't want any more instability when handling a previous marriage!

Her Positives:-

She's very polite and considerate.
She takes a genuine interest in my children and their welfare. (including correcting me if she believes i do something not in their best interest)
She's very intelligent.
She guides me in handling my ex with the intuition of the female mind.
She has a fantastic job and earns heaps of money
She wants to spend as much time with me as possible, including taking the children away with us on holidays.
She's super good looking
She wants to hump ME all the time
She cooks like you wouldn't believe. She is like Nigella Lawson. Just had a birthday and she made me, my kids AND my parents a nine course meal.

Her Negatives:-

She tires me out in the bedroom so i arrive at work pre-worn out. At least being the boss i won't get fired.
She likes to come over to work and bring me lunch and massage my back, thereby leaving me less time to do productive work during work time.

So guys, forget the EX and find the NEXT ! Get over the depression of seperation and move on. Your life doesn't revolve around your ex. You will be amazed at how low you can get in life and never realise it.

FATCAT
congratulations.like you i once thought all women were the same, just nasty selfish troggs, how wrong i was i have been with some one for 18 months now and she is everything that my exs were not. I think that one of the things that make our relationship so strong is that she went through a bad relationship/marriage for years just as i did and while we were both a little wary at first we have both come to realise our own individual self worth.My work often takes me far from home yet often when away working i will recieve a text message saying how much she loves me and how she cant wait till i come home . I tell her how much i love her every single day and i mean it. She is a great cook,very sexy and very easy on the eye,[ at least i think so ] and now we both have a partner who appreciates us. Its great and she also gets on really well with my daughter which is a huge bonus. I often wish my daughter had had a mother like her instead of the nasty selfish one we both had to put up with for so many years.
best of luck mate. DAVE.